⑴ 100分悬赏，求大家帮我看看两篇雅思英语作文，一篇修改前，一篇修改后
看了你的文章,我终于明白你为什么在6分以下了.
分析一下你的优势和劣势:
你的优势:1, 能够清楚理解题目含义 ; 2, 有一定的逻辑性和良好的思维能力.
3,有一定单词量和英文基础.
你的不足: 1, 应该重点练习并熟悉英文的语句结构,和词汇用法.虽然你有一定的单词量,但是你对他们的用法还不够熟练. 例如:你首段的第一句,就是一个没有主语的重句.还有第二段第一句中的"reap",用在这里不太恰当,因为"reap"的获得是作为努力的成果而获得的,用在这里似乎词不达意.
2, 觉得你的写作方式很原创,一看就知道是你写的.呵呵.因为我个人觉得你的好多话都是你个人临场发挥的.我的建议是你平时能够多读一些文章,熟悉各种词汇和语句的用法,再把你认为经典的收藏为己用.这样久而久之,你的写作自然就有突破.
3, 论证段的语句不要太复杂,尽量简单清晰.如果太复会有很做作的感觉,反而会对论点起到反作用.我看了你的那篇被改过的文章,就好很多.看起来比较顺畅,可读性强,不蹩脚,得6分绰绰有余.你可以将其与你写的进行对比,然后用心去体会他们之间的差别和不同,逐渐改变你的写作习惯.
总之, 写作是练出来的,即使像楼上两位仁兄辛苦的替你改完,不知道对你写作的真正作用会有多大呢,至少我看不到它的效果,(声明:词话绝无冒犯他们的意思). 另外送你一句话,切忌繁冗复杂,崇尚简单明快.因为你想要的毕竟只是 6分而已 - 希望你能取得真经 :)
⑵ 请雅思大神帮我看看我写的这篇英语作文
In the contemporary society, with the rapid increase of science technology and the advancement of human being`s living standard that a great number of hi-techs have (要加 been) invented (，which之前一定要加一个逗号) which (caused 改为 are causing) the children (can改为 to) play with them rather than do (the 改为 thier) housework (, so 句子已完整，用句号，新句子开头，so 要大写So 要大写 . So) many parents want their children to do something at the expense of money .When it comes to this issue(加 , which) others hold the opinion that do the work without paying as a valuable work experience can enhance their responsibility.As for me, I strongly side with the former one which can (keep 改为 let) the children know that working is the key to success.
Many examples have proved that a host of successful businessmen (when they were young, they had done more or less jobs for money 这段要掉转来写而且要去掉第二个they: had done more or less jobs for money when they were young.)after (After) that, they became more enterprising instrious and ambitious, for these factors facilitated their accomplishments in the fulture. Therefore, in some countries(，) parents encouraged their children to earn money when they were(去掉 even 或改为 very) young. Another reason ,( the young guys 改为 young people) have strong (curiousness 好奇心是: curiosity, which) contribute(s) to that it is not easy to establish their responsibilit(y)(ies). Nevertheless, motivating them to work is surely an excellent choice.
Somewhat importantly, ring the earning period, they can also get the valuable work experience and (加 understand about) the responsibilit(y)(ies) , in other words , the difference between paying work and unpaying work is the “initiative” ,and the children will be more initiative to work which could give them benefits , while the initiative can absolutely cause the (force 改为 effects of motivation).
In summary , do not only believe that the experience and responsibility are always the first , toward(s) this situation ,we may change our methods often (be 改为 , which have been) used before , to let the children themselves realized the happiness and achievement from their hardworking.
文章结构甚好，很有内容，我已替你依次序更正好了一些小错，希望会对你有帮助，并祝你学业进步!!
⑶ 需要2篇英语作文，大神帮我看一下，雅思难度。
有个小问题，caretaker要叫s,
all the time后的and去掉
should显得过于单调，可用复杂点的词组如be suppose to
Caged animal 那句的后半句的表述原因，可用for the reason of that ,不然也有点不自然，或则说这样可提高文章档次。
问题大概就这么多，你纸上写的那些句型都很不错，可以用。
⑷ 【求助】英语大神，帮我看看这个英语句子哪里不对
改成 If there is no reason to... 或者 If there are no reasons to... 也是正确的。
⑸ 大神们帮我看看这篇雅思作文能得多少分
又是你 这次我不发言了- - 看看别人是怎么修改的
⑹ 各位大神帮忙看看这篇雅思作文能得多少分
雅思写作的评分标准：
task one TA CC LR GRA
task two TR CC LR GRA
根据以上表格我们不难看出，Task 1和Task 2的评分标准只有第一条(任务完成情况)不同，由于Task 1考查的是图表作文，所以要比Task 2少一项任务，就是不需要有作者的立场(Position)。除此之外，两个任务都需要有具体的内容和合理的结构、良好的连贯性和衔接性、丰富的词汇资源以及语法的多样性和准确性。以下我们来结合Task 2的具体实例来谈一谈。
1. 任务完成情况
任务完成情况主要包括三个方面：内容(content)是否切题，立场(position)是否鲜明并得到有效阐释，结构(structure)是否有逻辑性。
内容如何做到切题，关键在于审题时要找准题目的主题(topic)以及针对该主题所提出的问题(topic questions)。一般来说，主题就是题目中反复出现或主句中充当主语或宾语的名词以及名词短语，而问句则通常就是我们要讨论的要点，如果要点理解有误或漏掉某个要点，则都属于没有切题。譬如：
With the increasing use of mobile phones, less people tend to write letters. Some people believe that writing letters will disappear completely. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
从这个题目当中我们不难看出writing letters出现的频率较高，且都在主句中出现，说明它就是我们要找的主题，如果你过多描述mobile phones给我们带来的好处就跑题了。另外，题目的写作任务也很清楚：Do you agree that writing letters will disappear completely? 属于“支持或反对”类的题，必须明确表达你的立场，不能既同意又不同意，同时表达你同意或不同意的理由。
立场要做到鲜明并得到有效阐释需要有如下几个内容：topic sentence(主题句)，main ideas(论点)，supporting points(论据)。主题句通常放在文章的首段，开门见山地表明你的立场，主题句只能有一个;论点放在中间段的首句，让读者一目了然，论点应该有两个以上，否则论证就不充分;论据包括evidence(证据)、examples(例子)等，放在论点后面，每个论点都应该有论据作支撑，否则就会显得论据不足。
合理的文章结构通常由三大部分组成，即引言(introction)、主体(body)和结论(conclusion)，写4-5段比较合理。引言要涵盖主题、写作任务和主题句，主体则要包括足够的论点和论据，结论可以重申观点、提出建议或展望未来。在这里需要提醒大家一定要认真审题，许多考生在考试的时候没有看清题目要求，明明题目分析优缺点，有些同学却写成了同意与否的题目，整篇文章走题，只能取得5分以下的分数。
2. 连贯与衔接
文章的连贯性主要体现在段落与段落之间，句子与句子之间。
段落之间的“启”、“承”、“转”、“合”可通过表顺序的过渡词完成，譬如：
表示开始：first of all, in the first place, at the very beginning, to begin with, currently, at present, for one thing等。
表示承接：besides, further more, in addition, moreover, what’s more, meanwhile, apart from, as well as, similarly, in the same way等。
表示转折：however, whereas, while, on the contrary, in contrast, on the other hand等。
表示结论：in conclusion, in brief, in short, to sum up, ultimately, overall等。
句子之间的逻辑关系也要通过一些逻辑连词来完成，譬如：
表示原因：because (of ), accordingly, e to, owing to, for this reason, since, as a result, as a consequence等。
表达观点：in my opinion, personally, from my viewpoint, it seems to me, it is clear to me that, as far as I am concerned
举例说明：for example, for instance, as follows, such as, that is to say, namely, just as, in particular等。
表示让步：although, in spite of, despite of, despite the fact that, regardless of等。
建议大家可以在平日的练习中多多使用这些连词造句，不能只认识而不会使用，例如in spite of 和 despite这两个词后面只能跟短语而不能跟句子，这都是同学们在作文中常常犯的错误。
3. 词汇资源
词汇的多少并不能决定文章的好坏，但用词的精准性是可以加分的。一般来说词汇的准确表达可以通过两个方面达到，一是在用词的难度上拔高，二是在近义词的多种表达上提升。譬如要描述一个好人，很多同学首先想到的形容词就是good, kind, wise, nice, clever, great, bright等词，而这些词往往很难出彩，因为描述太过于抽象，如果能用到诸如ambitious, tactful, eloquent, charismatic, committed之类的词就很具体了。当然，这些词需要我们平时的日积月累，不是靠一两天的功夫就可以运用自如的。还有，值得提醒的是不要认为这些词好就过分堆积，会给考官留下华而不实的感觉，正如优秀的厨师往往都不会用太多的佐料，而只需油盐就可以了。
雅思写作取得高分的关键在于灵活地运用词汇，多使用非常用词汇，分数一般来说不会低于5.5分。因此，在日常学习中，如何区别低分词汇和高分词汇是关键所在。中国考生一般来说可以比较正确的表达出自己的观点，但是对于词汇和句式的使用就有些茫然了，经常会重复使用词汇，句式也只会用简单句。举一个例子，英语中的‘我认为’有无数种说法，大多数中国考生只会用‘I think’ , 值得注意的是，学术写作中的 ‘我认为’不能使用这个词组，I contend, from my point of view, as far as I am concerned, I argue, I assert…这些词汇都是学术英语中表示个人观点的高分词汇。
4. 语法的多样性和准确性
句子的好坏主要取决于句子结构的准确性和丰富性，句子的长度和复杂性以及用语的逻辑性和正式性。
句子结构的准确性涉及主谓一致、句子平衡性等问题，比如：The main reason for this use of informal languages are various and complicated. 这个句子不细心的同学很难发现它有问题，因为主语太长有时会忽视真正的主语其实是the main reason，是个单数形式，所以are 应该改为is. 再比如：In my opinion, use mobile phones to send messages is more convenient than write letters. 这是个很典型的错误，很多同学在写作的过程当中会误把动词或动词短语当主语用而造成句子结构的错误，而只有动词的非谓语形式才能在句中充当主语或宾语，因此，此句正确的表达应该是：In my opinion, using mobile phones to send messages is more convenient than writing letters.
句子结构的丰富性也是考官给分的一个亮点，好的段落应该由不同的句式组成，而不应该是千篇一律的句子结构。例如：I have many hobbies. For example, I like movies, I like playing basketball and football, and I like singing and dancing. 很明显，该句完全由“I + do”结构组成且like使用的频率过高，我们不妨做如下修改：I have many hobbies. Movies, for example, are my favorite and I am also fond of playing basketball and football. Sometimes when staying with my friends, I’d prefer singing and dancing rather than any other way of amusement.
句子的长度和难度是很多考生追求的目标，其实并不需要每个句子都写得很长很复杂，相反，如果整篇文章都是长难句，考官也会觉得很厌烦，就像一个人喜欢吃红烧肉，如果你天天给他吃红烧肉，他也会觉得很腻味一样，因此最好的方法就是长短句结合。
短句变长：即善用连接词and, but, or, yet, so等。例如：Living off campus is exciting. Living off campus is more independent. I prefer the convenience of living on campus. 不难看出，这是两种对立的观点，因此我们可以将其变为：Living off campus is exciting and more independent, but I prefer the convenience of living on campus.
还有比较重要的一点是不容忽视的，即用语的正式性和严谨性。实际上，在汉语中也有很多这样的例子，比如我们说：“这里人真多啊!”这就是一个典型的口语化的表达方式，而如果用“人山人海”、“车水马龙”、“摩肩接踵”等词来形容人多就是写作语言了。我们不妨看几个非正式用语的句子：Parents have to get kids food and other stuff. 此句中的kids和stuff就是两个非正式用语，如变成：Parents have to provide children with food and other necessities.就正式了。再如：People always say competitive sports are totally cool. 此句中的cool以及这个句式都是属于比较口语化的，应该变为：It is always said that competitive sports benefit us in several important ways.
⑺ 会雅思的大神过来帮我看看这篇大作文，帮我评分，谢谢
第一段用这个some,others,I support both的写法可以确保你不能突破6。这种句子在看了无数类似作文的考官眼里就是考生在挑战他的智商，无论如何都要摒弃这种句子。后面的段落里小错不断，基本每句都有。雅思作文一句话里有一点错误就算错，所有句子全有小错就是正确率0，不会超过5分。具体的小错太多列不过来，就挑几个说好了，应该是have a discussion about to what extent....should be penalized，你写的那个是不通顺的。还有must will，这真是太可怕了～从你语法来看，文章里很多词都不该是你能驾驭得了的，所以搭配都很奇怪，建议你不要害怕重复，不要勉强自己去用驾驭不了的词，减少出错才重要。
最后，你现在这个阶段想要提升的话一定要自己认真改自己的作文，每一个搭配都要去词典找，这样能最快速度提升语感积累搭配
⑻ 各位大神帮忙看看这篇雅思小作文能给多少分，谢谢了。
最高5.5
没有太复杂的句子 没有比较，只是写出来数字，有的地方有一点点错误，可能是打字的时候出现的
想要提高一点要有比较
⑼ 求一篇雅思的英语作文
Should ecation and healthcare be free of charge and funded by the government, or should it be the responsibility of the people to pay for these services?
The improvement of the life level e to the economic development has led people to focus more on their spiritual life, with their ecation and healthcare inclusive, but who has to be responsible for the cost of ecation and healthcare has been raised onto heated discussion.
Health care and ecation, two of the basic elements in social life, are always in the concern of the public. Some people suggest that the service in these two fields should be paid by the government and be free to the public; while others believe it to be the ty of the people to pay on themselves. As to me, the coverage on ecation and healthcare should be made the ty of the government while leaving some special demands to be burdened by indivials.
Government free provision of ecation and healthcare can demonstrate their responsibility in serving the people. Having fulfilled their obligations to the country in the form of taxes, citizens have the right to enjoy the service in return from the government, with ecation and health care being the two basic ones. Also, as the ty carrier in promoting social development, by guaranteeing the right of ecation and health care, the government are enabled to encourage citizens to make more contributions to the society.
Government’s investment on these two fields is beneficial to ensure social equality. Being free of charge, every citizen can take advantage of these social services, without the worries about being treated unfairly e to their lack of social resources, such as their social status and human network. Besides, this will be helpful to rece the difference between the rich and the poor, at least in these two basic rights, creating a more harmonious social atmosphere.
Admittedly, if the citizens are wealthy enough, or when they demand some special service, or when the government is too limited in its budget, indivials’ sharing some of the cost may also seem to be reasonable. However, rare cases of particular requirements do not represent the general pursuits of the public, and limitation in budget does not free the government of its accountability.
To sum up, government should provide free ecation and healthcare to the public and pay the cost. Only when people are better ecated and healthier in physiques, can the society be more harmonious in atmosphere and dynamic in development.
这是我在雅思救星上看到的一篇雅思作文范文，相信对你有用，你也可以去看看其它的范文。
⑽ 请英语达人帮忙看看我这篇雅思写作能得多少分
同意一楼，此外，剔除那些模板句后，实质性的东西很少，也就是说论证不饱满；文章在许多不必要的地方用了“大词”（formal words or terms），却恰恰显示出作者驾驭这门语言的能力欠缺，仿佛小孩说大人话。。。
建议多看些原汁原味的文章，莫过早模仿所谓的“雅思高分范文”