❶ 英语幽默故事
Peter
dozed
off
while
his
teacher
was
talking.
老师正在讲课，彼得打起瞌睡来了。
Teacher:
Peter！Tell
us,
what's
the
biggest
in
the
world?
老师：彼得！你说说，世界上什么最大？
Peter:
Well,
well....eyelids....
彼得:
嗯……嗯……眼皮……
Teacher:
What？Eyelids？
老师：什么？眼皮？
Peter:
Yes,
sir.
Because
as
soon
as
I
shut
my
eyes,
the
eyelids
cover
everything
of
the
world.
彼得：是的，老师。因为我眼睛一闭，眼皮就把世界上所有的东西都遮住了
Late
one
night
at
the
insane
asylum
(疯人院）one
inmate
shouted,
"I
am
Napoleon!"
Another
one
said,
"How
do
you
know?"
The
first
inmate
said,
"God
told
me!"
Just
then,
a
voice
from
another
room
shouted,
"I
did
not!"
疯人院
一天晚上，在疯人院里，一个病人说："我是拿破仑！"另一个说："你怎么知道？"第一个人说："上帝对我说的！"一会儿，一个声音从另一个房间传来："我没说！"
❷ 短小幽默的英语小故事
短小幽默的英语小故事
1.Lady First 女士优先
A teacher asked her class: "Is the sentence ' The ox and
the cow are in the fields' correct?" Most of the children said: "Yes, it is all
right!" And only one little boy said: "No, it is not correct. The lady must be
mentioned first."
女士优先
一位老师问班上的学生：”公牛和母牛在田里“这个句子对吗？” 大多数学生回答说：“对，一点不错。”
只有一个小男孩说：“不对，应该先说女士。”
2.Where is the egg?
Teacher:Can you make a sentence with the word "egg"?
Student:Yes.I ate a piece of cake yesterday.
Teacher:Then where is the “egg"?
Student:In the cake,Sir.
鸡蛋在哪里？
老师：你能用“鸡蛋”一词造句吗？
学生：可以。我昨天吃了一块蛋糕。
老师：“鸡蛋”在哪？
学生：在蛋糕里，先生。
❸ 英语一分钟口语考试，求英文幽默故事一篇
李阳时代背的：
An Awkward Situation
A woman was singing. One of the guests turned to a man by his side and criticized the singer.
"What a terrible voice!" he said. "Do you know who she is?"
"Yes" was the answer. "She is my wife."
"Oh, I beg your pardon." The man said. "Of course her voice isn't bad, but the song is very bad. I wonder who wrote that awful song. "
"I did." was the answer.
可能短了点，不过如果声情并茂，做点动作，大概够吧。。。
❹ 英语幽默对话或故事
1．Do You Know My Work？
One night a hotel caught fire， and the people who were staying in it ran out in their night clothes．
Two men stood outside and looked at the fire．
“Before I came out，” said one，“I ran into some of the rooms and found a lot of money． People don't think of money when they're afraid． When anyone leaves paper money in a fire， the fire burns it． So I took all the bills that I could find．No one will be poorer because I took them．”
“You don't know my work，” said the other．
“What is your work？”
“I'm a policeman．
“Oh！” cried the first man． He thought quickly and said，“And do you know my work？”“No，”said the policeman．
“I'm a writer． I'm always telling stories about things that never happened．”
译文：（自己简单翻译）
你知道我是干什么的吗？
一天晚上，一家旅馆失火，住在这家旅馆里的人穿着睡 衣就跑了出来。
两个人站在外面，看着大火。
“在我出来之前，”其中一个说：“我跑进一些房间，找到了一大笔钱。人在恐惧中是不会想到钱的。如果有人把纸币留在火里，火就会把它烧成灰烬。所以我把我所能找到的钞票都拿走了。没有人会因为我拿走它们而变得更穷。”
“你不知道我是干什么的。”另一个说。
“你是干什么的？”
“我是警察。”
“噢！”第一个人喊了一声。他灵机一动，说：“那你知道我是干什么的？”“不知道。”警察说。
“我是个作家。我总是爱编一些从未发生过的故事。”
望采纳
❺ 英语幽默故事（中文翻译）
Whose Son Is the Greatest
The mothers of four priests got together and were discussing their sons. "My son is a monsignor," said the first proud woman. "When he enters a room, people say, 'Hello, Monsignor'."
The second mother went on, "My son is a bishop. When he enters a room, people say, 'Hello, Your Excellency'."
"My son is a cardinal." continued the next one. "When he enters a room, people say, 'Hello, Your Eminence'.
" The fourth mother thought for a moment. "My son is six-foot-ten and weighs 300 pounds, " she said. "When he enters a room, people say, 'Oh, my God'!"
谁的儿子最伟大
四位牧师的母亲聚到一起谈论她们的儿子。“我的儿子是个教士，”第一位母亲自豪地说道，“他进入房间，人们都说，‘您好，阁下’。”
第二为母亲说：“我的儿子是位主教。他进入房间，人们都称，‘您好，大人’。”
“我的儿子是位红衣主教，”第三位母亲接着说，“他走进房间，人们都说，‘您好，尊敬的主教大人’。”
第四位母亲略思片刻。“我的儿子身高六英尺十，体重三百磅，”她说，“他要是走入房间，人们都说‘哦，我的上帝’！”
Quick Service
A man took a pair of shoes to a shoe repair shop and said to the shoemaker, "I'd like you to repair these shoes for me, please."
"Certainly, sir," the shoemaker said.
"When will they be ready?" the man asked.
"I'm a bit busy, but they'll be ready for you on Thursday." he said.
That's fine," the man said, and left the shop.
The next morning he received a letter, offering him a job in another country. Within 24 hours he was on an airplane to his new job.
Twenty years passed and he returned to his hometown.
He remembered his shoes.
"They were a good pair of shoes," he thought. "I wonder if the shoemaker is still there and still has them. I'll go and see.扰He was pleased to see that the shoemaker was still in the same shop ,although he was an old man by now.
"Good morning," he said to him. "Twenty years ago, I brought in a pair of shoes to be repaired. Do you think you've still got them?"
"Name?" the old shoemaker asked.
"Smith," the man said.
"I'll go and see. They may be out back.
The shoemaker went out to the back of his shop -and a few minutes later returned ,carrying the pair of shoes.
"Here we are," he said. "One pair of brown shoes to be repaired. I'm a bit busy now, but they'll probably be ready on Thursday."
快速服务
一个人把一双鞋子拿到一家鞋店，并对修鞋匠说，“请帮我修这双鞋子。”
“当然可以，先生，”鞋匠说。
“什么时候能修好？”那个人问。
“我有点忙，但到星期四我会修好鞋子的。”他说。
“很好，”那人说，并离开了那家店。
第二天早上，他收到一封信，提供他一份在国外的工作。24小时内，他登上飞机去接受那份新工作。
二十年过去了，他回到了故乡。
他记起了那双鞋。
“那是一双好鞋，”他想，“我想知道鞋匠是否还在那儿，是否还有那双鞋。我要去看看。”
他很高兴看到鞋匠还在那家店里，虽然他已很老了。
“早上好，”他对鞋匠说，“二十年前，我拿了一双鞋子来修。你记得还有那双鞋吗？”
“名字？”老鞋匠问。
“史密斯，”那人回答。
“我去瞧瞧，或许在后面呢。”
鞋匠回到店的后面去，几分钟后又回来了，手里提着那双鞋子，“在这呢，”他说，“一双棕色的鞋子要修。我有点忙，但可以到星期四把鞋子修好。”
❻ 英语幽默笑话故事
Mrs Brown went to visit one of her friend and carried a small box with holes punched in the top.
" What's in your box?" asked the friend.
"A cat," answered Mrs Brown. "You see I've been dreaming about mice at night and I'm so scared! This cat is to catch them."
"But the mice are only imaginary," said the friend.
"So is the cat," whispered Mrs Brown.
猫和老鼠
布朗夫人去拜访一位朋友，她拿着一个顶专部扎满了小眼属儿的盒子。“盒子里装的是什么？”朋友问道。“一只小猫，”布朗夫人回答说，“你知道我晚上睡觉总梦见老鼠，我非常害怕。这只猫可以抓住那些老鼠。”“可老鼠都是假想的呀。”朋友说。“小猫也是假想的。”布朗夫人小声说道。
❼ 求英语幽默故事10个（要翻译）
Midway Tactics
Three competing store owners rented adjoining shops in a mall. Observers waited for mayhem to ensue.
The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying, "Gigantic Sale!" and "Super Bargains!"
The store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming, "Prices Slashed!" and "Fantastic Discounts!"
The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that simply stated, "ENTRANCE".
中间战术
三个互相争生意的商店老板在一条商业街上租用了毗邻的店铺。旁观者等着瞧好戏。
右边的零售商挂起了巨大的招牌，上书：“大减价!”“特便宜!”
左边的商店挂出了更大的招牌，声称：“大砍价!”“大折扣!”
中间的商人随后准备了一个大招牌，上面只简单地写着：“入口处”。
Very Pleased to Meet You
During World War II, a lot of young women in Britain were in the army. Joan Phillips was one of them. She worked in a big camp, and of course met a lot of men, officers and soldiers.
One evening she met Captain Humphreys at a dance. He said to her, "I‘m going abroad tomorrow, but I‘d be very happy if we could write to each other." Joan agreed, and they wrote for several months.
Then his letters stopped, but she received one from another officer, telling her that he had been wounded and was in a certain army hospital in England.
Joan went there and said to the matron, "I‘ve come to visit Captain Humphreys."
"Only relatives are allowed to visit patients here," the matron said.
"Oh, that‘s all right," answered Joan. "I‘m his sister."
"I‘m very pleased to meet you," the matron said, "I‘m his mother!"
在第二次世界大战中，有许多年轻的妇女在军营中服役。琼.飞利浦斯是其中之一。她在一个大军营中工作，当然遇到了许多男士，包括军官和士兵。
一天晚上她在舞会上遇到了军官汉弗雷斯。他对她说，“我明天就要出国，但如果我们能够相互写信，我会很高兴。”琼同意了，于是他们几个月里一直通着信。
后来，他再没有来信。她收到了另一个军官的信，告诉她，他受伤了，住在英格兰的某个部队医院里。
琼到了医院，她对护士长说，“我来看望军官汉弗雷斯。”
“这里只有亲属可以探望病人。”护士长说。
“噢，是的，”琼说，“我是他的妹妹。”
“很高兴认识你，”护士长说，“我是他的母亲。”
Two Soldiers
Two soldiers were in camp. The first one‘s name was George, and the second one‘s name was Bill. George said, "have you got a piece of paper and an envelope, Bill?"
Bill said, "Yes, I have," and he gave them to him.
Then George said, "Now I haven‘t got a pen." Bill gave him his, and George wrote his letter. Then he put it in the envelope and said, "have you got a stamp, Bill?" Bill gave him one.
Then Bill got up and went to the door, so George said to him, "Are you going out?"
Bill Said, "Yes, I am," and he opened the door.
George said, "Please put my letter in the box in the office, and..." He stopped.
"What do you want now?" Bill said to him.
George looked at the envelope of his letter and answered, "What‘s your girl-friend‘s address?"
军营里有二名士兵，一个叫乔治，一个叫比尔。乔治问：“比尔，你有信纸、信封吗？”
比尔说：“有。”然后把信纸和信封给了乔治。
乔治又说：“我还没有笔呢。”比尔又把自己的笔给了他。乔治开始写信。写完后把信放进信封里，又问：“比尔，你有邮票吗？”比尔给了他一张。
这时比尔站起来，向门口走去。乔治问：“你要出去吗？”
比尔说：“是的。”随即打开了门。
乔治说：“请帮我把这封信投进办公室的信箱里，还有...”他停住了。
“你还要什么？”比尔问。
乔治看着信封说：“你女朋友的地址是－？”
Five Months Older
The Second World War had begun, and John wanted to join the army, but he was only 16 years old, and boys were allowed to join only if they were over 18. So when the army doctor examined him, he said that he was 18.
But John‘s brother had joined the army a few days before, and the same doctor had examined him too. This doctor remembered the older boy‘s family name, so when he saw John‘s papers, he was surprised.
"How old are you?" he said.
"Eighteen, sir," said John.
"But your brother was eighteen, too," said the doctor. "Are you twins?"
"Oh, no, sir," said John, and his face went red. "My brother is five months older than I am."
大五个月
第二次世界大战开始了，约翰想参军，可他只有十六岁，当时规定男孩到十八岁才能入伍。所以军医给他进行体检时，他说他已经十八岁了。
可约翰的哥哥刚入伍没几天，而且也是这个军医给他做的检查。这位医生还记得他哥哥的姓。所以当他看到约翰的表格时，感到非常惊奇。
“你多大了？”军医问。
“十八，长官。”约翰说。
“可你的哥哥也是十八岁，你们是双胞胎吗？”
约翰脸红了，说：“哦，不是，长官，我哥哥比我大五个月。”
West Point
My father, brother and I visited West Point to see a football game between Army and Boston College. Taking a stroll before kickoff, we met many cadets in neatly pressed uniforms. Several visting fans asked the recruits if they would pose for photographs, "to show our son what to expect if he should attend West Point."
One middle-aged couple approached a very attractive female cadet and asked her to pose for a picture. They explained, "We want to show our son what he missed by not coming to West Point."
父亲、哥哥和我到西点军校去观看一场陆军与波士顿大学之间的橄榄球赛。开始之前，我们到处转了转，碰到许多穿着整齐制服的学员。几名游客问新兵是否愿意摆出军姿来让他们摄。“好让我们的儿子知道，如果他到西点军校来学习会得到什么。”
一对中年夫妇走近一名非常漂亮的女学员，问她是否愿意摆个姿势照相。他们解释说：“我们想让儿子知道他没来西点军校错过了什么。”
（6）Present for Girlfriend
At a jewelry store, a young man bought an expensive locket as a present for his girlfriend. "Shall I engrave her name on it?" the jeweler asked.
The customer thought for a moment, and then said, "No-engrave it ‘To my one and only love‘. That way, if we ever break up, I can use it again."
送给女友的礼物
在一家珠宝店里，一位年轻人买了一个贵重的小金盒作为送给女友的礼物。“要我把她的名字刻在上面吗？”珠宝商问道。
那名顾客想了一会儿，然后说道：“不－－在上面刻‘给我唯一的爱’。这样，如果我们闹崩了，我还可以再用到它。”
Be Careful What You Wish For
A couple had been married for 25 years and were celebrating their 60th birthdays, which fell on the same day.
During the celebration a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple for all 25 years, she would give them one wish each.
The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her hand, and Boom! She had the tickets in her hand.
Next, it was the husband‘s turn. He paused for a moment, then said shyly, "Well, I‘d like to have a woman 30 years younger than me."
The fairy picked up her wand, and Boom! He was ninety.
慎重许愿
一对结婚25周年的夫妻在庆祝他们六十岁的生日。他们恰好在同一天出生。
庆祝活动中，一位仙女出现了。她说，由于他们是已经结婚25年的恩爱夫妻，因此她给许给这对夫妻每个人一个愿望。
妻子想周游世界。仙女招了招手。“呯！”的一声，她的手中出现了一张票。
接下来该丈夫许愿了。他犹豫片刻，害羞地说，“那我想要一位比我年轻30岁的女人。”
仙女拾起了魔术棒。“呯！”，他变成了90岁。
Wood Fire
One woman lectured her best friend on the nature of the male animal. "Husbands are like wood fires; they go out if left unattened."
"Does that mean," asked the other, "that they make ashes of themselves?"
森林之火
一名妇女向她最好的朋友大谈雄性动物的特性：“丈夫们就像是森林里的火，一不注意，他们就会燃烧起来。”
“那是不是意味着，”另一个问道，“他们将自己烧成灰烬？”
Best Reward
A naval officer fell overboard. He was rescued by a deck hand. The officer asked how he could reward him.
"The best way, sir," said the deck hand, "is to say nothing about it. If the other fellows knew I‘d pulled you out, they‘d chuck me in."
最好的奖赏
一名海军军官从甲板上掉入海中。他被一名甲板水手救起。这位军官问如何才能酬谢他。
“最好的办法，长官，”这名水手说，“是别声张这事。如果其他人知道我救了您，他们会把我扔下去的。”
Napoleon Was Ill
Jack had gone to the university to study history, but at the end of his first year, his history professor failed him in his examinations, and he was told that he would have to leave the university. However, his father decided that he would go to see the professor to urge him to let Jack continue his studies the following year.
"He‘s a good boy," said Jack‘s father, "and if you let him pass this time, I‘m sure he‘ll improve a lot next year and pass the examinations at the end of it really well."
"No, no, that‘s quite impossible," replied the professor immediately. "Do you know, last month I asked him when Napoleon had died, he didn‘t know!"
"Please, sir, give him another chance," said Jack‘s father. "You see, I‘m afraid we don‘t take any newspaper in our house, so none of us even know that Napoleon was ill."
拿破仑病了
杰克到一所大学去学历史。第一学期结束时，历史课教授没让他及格。学校让他退学。然而，杰克的父亲决定去见教授，强烈要求让杰克继续来年的学业。
“他是个好孩子，”杰克的父亲说：“您要是让他这次及格，我相信他明年会有很大进步，学期结束时，他一定会考好的。”
“不，不，那不可能，”教授马上回答。“你知道吗？上个月我问他拿破仑什么时候死的，他都不知道。”
“先生，请再给他一次机会吧。”杰克的父亲说：“你不知道，恐怕是因为我们家没有订报纸。我们家的人连拿破仑病了都不知道。”
He Was Only Wrong by Two
Jack Hawkins was the football coach at an Amercian college, and he was always trying to find good players, but they weren‘t always smart enought to be accepted by the college.
One day the coach brought an excellent young player to the dean of the college and asked that the student be allowed to enter without an examination. "Well," the dean said after some persuasion, "I‘d better ask him a few questions first."
Then he turned to the student and asked him some very easy questions, but the student didn‘t know any of the answers.
At last the dean said, "Well, what‘s five times seven?"
The student thought for a long time and then answered, "Thirty-six."
The dean threw up his hands and looked at the coach in despair, but the coach said earnestly, "Oh, please let him in, sir! He was only wrong by two."
他的得数只比正确答案多二
杰克霍金斯是美国一所学院的橄榄球队教练，他竭力想物色好球员。但是好球员学业不行，院方不愿录取。
有一天，教练带着一位优秀的年轻球员去见院长，希望院方同意他免试入学。经过一番劝说后院长说：“那我最好先问问他几个问题。”
然后他转向学生，问了几个非常简单的问题。可是那个学生一个也答不上来。
最后院长说：“那么，五乘七得多少？”
学生想了很久，然后回答说：“三十六。”
院长摊开双手失望地看了看教练。可是教练认真地说，“噢，录取他吧，先生。他的答案只比正确答案多二。”
Real Play
When I taught the introction-to-theater course at North Dakota State University, I required my students to attend the university theater‘s current proction and write a critique. After viewing a particularly fine performance, one student wrote: "The play was so real, I thought I was actually sitting on my couch at home, watching it on television."
逼真的戏剧
我在北达科他州立大学教戏剧入门课时，要求学生们去看学校剧团当时的演出，并写一篇评论。看了一场极为精彩的演出后，一名学生写道：“这部戏剧是如此逼真，以致于我认为我自己是坐在家里的沙发上，从电视上看到的。”
A Fine Match
One day a lady saw a mouse running across her kitchen floor. She was very afraid of mouse, so she ran out of the house, got into a bus and went to the shops. There she bought a mousetrap. The shopkeeper said to her, "Put some cheese in it and you will soon catch that mouse."
The lady went home with her mousetrap, but when she looked in her cupboard, she could not find any cheese in it. She did not want to go back to the shop, because it was very late, so she cut a picture of some cheese out of a magazine and put that in the trap.
Surprisingly, the picture of the cheese was quite successful! When the lady came down to the kitchen the next morning she found a picture of a mouse in the trap beside the picture of the cheese!
势均力敌
有一天某位女士看到一只老鼠在自家的厨房地板上窜过。她很害怕老鼠，所以她冲出屋子，搭上了公共汽车直奔商店。在那儿，她买了一只老鼠夹。店主告诉她：“放点奶酪在里面，很快你就会逮住那只老鼠的。”
这位女士带着鼠夹回到家里，但她没有在碗橱里找到奶酪。她不想再回到商店里去，因为已经很晚了。于是，她就从一份杂志中剪下一幅奶酪的图片放进了夹子。
令人称奇的是，这画有奶酪的图片竟然奏效了!第二天早上，这位女士下楼到厨房时，发现鼠夹里奶酪图片旁有一张画有老鼠的图片!
Gardening Gloves
For months I hinted that I needed a new wedding ring, since I had developed an allergy to gold. On my birthday, while I was gardening, my husband asked me for gift suggestions. I held my hands up and said, "Well, you‘ll notice that my hands are bare."
Later that evening I opened my present with enthusiasm. "Happy birthday," he said, as I unwrapped a new pair of gardening gloves.
园艺手套
几个月以来，我一直在向丈夫暗示我需要一枚新的结婚戒指，因为我对黄金有点过敏。生日那天，我正在干园艺活时，丈夫问我想要什么礼物。我举起双手说：“嗯，你肯定看到了，我的两手都是光光的。”
那天晚上，我满怀热情地拆开了丈夫送的礼物。“生日快乐！”他说。我打开一看：里面包着一双园艺手套。
Warning
Several weeks after our son began his freshman year at Alma College in Michigan, my husband and I decided to visit him. I was careful to call him a few days in advance to "warn" him that we would be coming. When we arrived at the dorm, however, I was taken aback by the disarray of his room. "Forgot we were coming, didn‘t you?" I teased.
"Are you kidding?" he replied, "Why else would I have bothered to clean?"
提醒
我们的儿子是密歇根州阿尔马大学的新生，开学几个星期之后，我和丈夫决定去看看他。我特意提前给他打电话，“提醒”他我们将光临。但是当我们来到宿舍时，他的房间凌乱不堪，我非常吃惊。“忘了我们要来，是吧？”我取笑他。
“开什么玩笑？“，他回答说，“要不我凭什么费神打扫？”
Ground Rules
One of my favorite teachers at Southeast Missouri State University in Cape Girardeau was known of his droll sense of humor. Explaining his ground rules to one freshman class, he said, "Now I know my lectures can often be dry and boring, so I don‘t mind if you look at your watches ring class. I do, however, object to your pounding them on the desk to make sure they‘re still running."
基本原则
位于吉拉多海角的密苏里东南州立大学有一位我非常喜欢的老师，他奇特的幽默感很是出名。在对一个新生班级讲解他的基本原则时，他说：“我知道我的讲课可能经常会枯燥乏味，了无生趣，所以如果你们在上课时看表我并不介意。不过我坚决反对你们将表在课桌上猛敲看它们是不是还在走。”
❽ 英语幽默小故事有哪些
He Won
Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.
Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?
Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.
他赢了
汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？
约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。
汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？
约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。
I Have His Ear in My Pocket
Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?"
"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.
"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.
"I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."
他的耳朵在我衣兜里
伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？”
“一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。
“再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。
“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。”
A Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
好孩子
小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”
“她是个卖糖果的。”
Drunk
One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."
"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"
醉酒
一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！”
Hospitality
The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.
好客
由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时，家里没有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。过了一会儿，他拿着一片奶酪回到房间，把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。 客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪？” “在捕鼠夹上，先生。”那小男孩说。
英语小笑话
上个星期五我穿了一件 Adidas 的衣服去打球, 一个老美看到就笑我说, "Do you
know what does it mean? It means All Day I Dream About Sex.我整天都在想著
性, 缩写正好是 Adidas) " 我正惊讶他怎么反应这么快, 联想力这么丰富时,旁边的
一个老美帮我解围, 他说, 有一个很著名的合唱团 Korn, 他们的招牌歌之一就是
A.D.I.D.A.S, (All day I dream about sex)所以呢,这个典故可是很多老美都耳熟
能详的喔! 下次就换你去取笑老美了.
A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second"
一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又问:"且话偻蚰昴?"上帝说:"一秒钟."最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"上帝回答:"过一秒钟."
❾ 英语幽默故事
Woman Caught Speeding
Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.
Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Woman: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.
The Officer looks at the woman, slowly backs away to his car, and calls for back up . Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior Officer slowly approaches the car , clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please!
The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The first officer is stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer snaps open the clutch purse and
examines the license . He looks quite puzzled .
Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and
hacked up the owner .
Woman: I bet you that the lying bastard told you I was speeding too.