A. 英语口语考试，有五个情景对话，求大神给出剧本，三分钟，英文最好，中文也行，但求幽默
（自言自语）哦，真是糟糕，居然找不到路了。。（突然看到一个正在看书的女生）你好，同学！我是外国佬，第一次来这里，我可以问你个问题吗？
(automatic speaking) Oh, really bad, I can't find the way.. (suddenly saw a girl is read a Book) Hello, students! I am the foreigner, come here for the first time, may I ask you a question?
（抬起头）额，什么事？
(Tai Qitou) well, what is it?
啊哈，世界之大，能遇见你这样的姑娘真是荣幸啊~~额，（挠头）能告诉我，去厕所的路吗？
Ah, the world is big, can meet you this girl is really honored ah ~ ~ well, (might) tell me, go to the toilet of the road?
哦，天哪，你是眼花了吗？我是女生，怎么会去过男厕所呢？我当然不知道啦
Oh, God, you are dazed? I am a girl, how could have been men's toilet? Of course I don't know
额，在中国，厕所不是在一起的吗？。。。
Well, in China, toilet not together?...
哦，当然不是。这里可没有你那里那么开放
Oh, of course not. Here without you there so open
好吧，我不是那个意思。那么，女厕所在哪里呢？
OK. I didn't mean that. So, where is the toilet?
什么！？你要去女厕所！？
Sorry? Do you want to go to the toilet!?
哦，不，我很急，你能快点告诉我吗？
Oh, no, I'm in a hurry, can you tell me?
好吧，说实话，我也不是本地人，我刚刚来这里度假，所以我无法回答你的问题，抱歉咯
Well, to tell you the truth, I have not a native, I just came here for a holiday, so I can't answer your question, I'm sorry
额……
The amount of......
B. 急！！！求英语幽默口语小对话
One day a visitor from the city came to a small rural area to drive around the country roads, see how the farms looked, and perhaps to see how farmers earned their living.The city man saw a farmer in his yard, holding a pig up in his hands, and lifting it so that the pig could eat apples from an apple tree.The city man said to the farmer, "I see that your pig likes apples, but isn't that quite a waste of time?"The farmer replied, "What's time to a pig?"
一天，有一个城市里的游客来到一个小乡村，在乡间路上开着车，想看看农庄是什么样子，也想看看农夫怎样种田过日子。这位城里人看见一位农夫在宅后的草地上，手中抱着一头猪，并把它举得高高的，好让它能够吃到树上的苹果。城里人对农夫说，"我看你的猪挺喜欢吃苹果的，但是，这不是很浪费时间吗?"那位农夫回答说，"时间对猪有什么意义?"
One girl went to the preacher and confessed her sin.
Girl: Father, I have sinned.
Preacher: What did you do, little girl?
Girl: Yesterday, I called a man a son of a Bitch.
Preacher: Why? What did he do to you?
Girl: He touched my breast.
Preacher: You mean like this? (The guy did it.)
Girl: (A little shy from the touch) Yes.
Preacher: That's no reason to call him that.
Girl: But he also took off my cloth.
Preacher: You mean like this? (He did it again.)
Girl: Yes, that's what he did.
Preacher: That's still no reason to call him that.
Girl: And he put his you-know-what into my you-know-what...
Preacher: (evil laugh...) You mean like this? (And you-know-what)
Girl: (After a few minutes...) Ugh... Yeah, that's what he did...
Preacher: My dear girl, that's still no reason to call him a...
Girl: But he had AIDS!!
Preacher: THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!
Where is the father?
Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.
"Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!"
"Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?"
The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures."
父亲在哪儿？
兄弟俩在看一些漂亮的油画。
“看，”哥哥说，“这些画多漂亮呀！”
“是啊，”弟弟说道，“可是在所有这些画中，只有妈妈和孩子。那爸爸去哪儿了呢？”
哥哥想了会儿，然后解释道：“很明显，他当时正在画这些画呗。”
The poor husband
"You can't imagine how difficult it is for me to deal with my wife," the man complained to his friend. "She asks me a question, then answers it herself, and after that she explained to me for half an hour why my answer is wrong.
可怜的丈夫
“你根本无法想象和我妻子打交道是多么的难，”一个男人对他的朋友诉苦说，“她问我一个问题，然后自己回答了，过后又花半个小时跟我解释为什么我的答案是错的。”
Does the dog know the proverb, too?
The little boy did not like the look of the barking dog.
"It's all right," said a gentleman, "don't be afraid. Don't you know the proverb: Barking dogs don't bite?"
"Ah, yes," answered the little boy. "I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?"
狗也知道这个谚语吗？
一个小男孩非常不喜欢狗狂叫的样子。
“没有关系，”一位先生说，“不用害怕，你知道这条谚语吗：‘吠狗不咬人。’”
“啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道吗？”
C. 求英语情景对话 要搞笑的 三个人对话 一个旁白 在线等
顾客：小心，你的大拇指在我汤里了
服务员：别担心，先生，不是很烫！
Diner: Watch out! Your thumbs in my soup!
Waiter: Don't worry Sir it's not that hot!
一个服务员给顾客拿来了牛排，大拇指在牛肉上。
“你疯了吗？”顾客喊到，“你的手在我的牛排上！”
“什么？”服务员说，“你想让它再掉地上？”
A waiter brings the customer the steak he ordered with his thumb over the meat.
Are you crazy? yelled the customer with your hand on my steak?
What answers the waiter You want it to fall on the floor again?
服务员：茶或咖啡？先生。
第一个顾客：我要茶
第二个顾客：我也是茶——杯子要干净的！
服务员：两杯茶，哪个要干净的杯子？
Waiter: Tea or coffee gentlemen?
I'll have tea.
2nd customer: Me too - and be sure the glass is clean!
(Waiter exits returns)
Waiter: Two teas. Which one asked for the clean glass?
创新句子：我坚持用干净杯子喝茶。
服务员，这只苍蝇在我汤里干什么？
看起来象是在仰泳，
Waiter what's this fly doing in my soup?
Um looks to me to be backstroke sir...
服务员，汤里有只苍蝇！
别担心，先生，面包里的蜘蛛会干掉它。
Waiter there's a fly in my soup!
Don't worry sir the spider on the breadroll will get 'em.
服务员，我汤里有只苍蝇！
不是，先生，那是蟑螂，苍蝇在你牛排里。
Waiter there's a fly in my soup!
No sir that's a cockroach the fly is on your steak.
服务员，汤里有只苍蝇！
别让别人看见，先生，要不别人都要。
Waiter there's a fly in my soup!
Keep it down sir or they'll all be wanting one.
服务员，汤里有只苍蝇！
我知道，先生，我们没有另收钱。
Waiter there's a fly in my soup!
Its OK Sir there's no extra charge!
服务员，汤里有只苍蝇！
对不起，先生，我弄走那三个时忘了这个。
Waiter there is a fly in my soup!
Sorry sir maybe I've forgotten it when I removed the other three.
服务员，汤里有只死苍蝇！
是的，先生，是开水杀死了它们。
Waiter there's a dead fly in my soup!
Yes sir it's the hot water that kills them.
D. 求聪明的娃帮忙设计一段英语口语对话，语言幽默，对话简单，3个角色，要有见面问候、自我介绍和告别的话
A：Good morning , Mr Smith .
B;Good morning ,Lihua ,how are you?
A：Fine thanks,Mr Smith ,Is this your friend？
B:oh ,this is my new friend-Elisa ,we are meet on line,
C:Nice to meet you !
A;Nice to meet you ,too.
C;We are going to play tennis ,Are you glad to come with us?
A;I'd like to ,but I have something to deal.Have a good time.
Band C :good bye ,Lihua
E. 求美剧中两人的搞笑对话~英语口语课要用，2到3分钟就好！
1、 我不需要那些不如我的人对我的肯定。
1、i don’t need validation from lesser minds.
2、 火箭科学家?火箭科学家?你怎么不干脆告诉他们我在金门大桥收过路费?我是研究弦论的理论物理学家。火箭科学家!太侮辱人了!
2、The rocket scientist? The rocket scientist? Why don’t you just tell them that I’m a toll-taker at the golden gate bridge? I’m a theoretical physicist. Rocket scientist, how humiliating!
3、 我觉得我更像一只杜鹃，你知道的，把蛋下在普通鸟巢里的一种更高等的生物。当然，新生的杜鹃把所有的食物都吃掉了，它那些平凡的同胞只能饿死。对你来说很幸运，比喻到此就结束了。
3、I always thought I was more like a cuckoo bird, you know a superior creature whose egg is placed in the nest of ordinary birds, of course, the newly hatched cuckoo eats all the food, leaving the ordinary siblings to starve to death. Luckily for you, that’s where the metaphor ended.
4、 我为人类悲哀。
4、I weep for humanity.
5、 从我妈给我断奶后我就没忘掉过一件事。
5、I haven’t forgotten a single thing since the day my mother stopped breastfeeding me.
6、 我是“聪明人”?要被归为“聪明人”我得去掉60点智商才行。
6、I’m “smart”? I’d have to lose 60 IQ points to be classified as “smart”.
7、 你们那艘要沉的船上又招募了什么老鼠啊?
7、What rat have you recruited to the sinking ship?
8、 我是松香甘油树脂(一种有机黏合剂)，你是无机合剂，所以不管你朝我的方向发射什么语言子弹都会反射以后弹回去，回到它原有的轨道上，附着在你身上。
8、I’m polymerized tree sap, and you’re an inorganic adhesive, so whatever verbal projectile you launch in my direction is reflected off of me, returns on its original trajectory and adheres to you.
9、 我没有无视我妹妹，我无视你们所有人。
9、I’m not ignoring my sister, I’m ignoring all of you.
10、为什么还要浪费食物?在德克萨斯，要是奶牛不产奶了他们才不会继续喂它，他们会把它带出去一枪打死。
Why waste food? In Texas, when a cow goes dry, they don’t keep feeding it, they just take her out and shoot her between the eyes.
可以去看看生活大爆炸。不错的
F. 八年级下册英语口语对话、、、、老师叫表演、、、幽默搞笑就好谢谢
Devil seize the princess -
Beelzebub wrote: Do you not call it breaking the throat, no one will save you! -
Princess: broken throat, breaking the throat! -
No one: Princess, I'm coming to you! -
Beelzebub: speak of the devil she is! -
Cao Cao: devil, why do you call me? -
Devil: Wow, saw a ghost! -
Ghost: Fuck! Been found. -
By: Nonsense, who found me? -
Who: Pishi with me! -
Devil: oh, my god! -
God: Who told me? ! -
Who: No one told you, ah! -
No one: I can there! ! ! -
It is said that the devil got from schizophrenia.
打到手好累啊~
G. 哪个英语大神能提供一个两人的英语口语对话或者搞笑段子 或者比较经典的英语短文 大概四分钟 跪求
英语口语很棒
H. 急求一份幽默诙谐式的英语口语二人对话范文
经典对话一：
男：Can I buy you a drink?（我可以为你买一杯饮料吗？）
女：Actually I’d rather have the money.（不必，我宁愿留下那些钱。)
经典对话二：
男：Can I have your name?（直译：我能有你的名字吗？）
女：Why? Don’t you already have one? （为什么？你不是已经有一个了吗？）
经典对话三：
男：I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours.（我是摄影师。我一直在寻找一张像你这样的脸。）
女：I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours.（我是整形外科医生。我也一直在寻找一张像你这样的脸。）
经典对话四：
男：Is this seat empty?（直译：这个座位是空的吧？）
女：Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.（是的，如果你坐下，我的座位就是空的。）
经典对话五：
男：Haven’t I seen you some place before?（我好像以前在什么地方见过你？）
女：Yes. That’s why I don’t go there anymore.（是的。这就是为什么我不再去那个地方的原因。）
经典对话六：
男：Will you go out with me this Saturday?（这个星期六你想跟我出去吗？）
女：Sorry. I’m having a headache this weekend.（抱歉。这个周末我头疼。）
经典对话七：
男：I think I could make you very happy.（我想我能让你非常快乐。）
女：Why? Are you leaving?（是吗？你是说你要离开？）
I. 跪求，英语口语课要求两人表演访谈节目，访谈名人，而且要搞笑点的，求提纲啊
对话2：Behind the Gold Medal
Reporter: Congratulate you on earning all round champions!祝贺你获得全能项目的金牌！
Yang Wei: Thank you!谢谢！
Reporter: At the moment can you tell us your feeling?你能告诉我们你此时此刻的心情吗？
Yang Wei: Very excited and happy.很激动，也很高兴。
Reporter: What do you want to say best?你现在最想说些什么？
Yang Wei: Thank my coach my parents my close players and all the friends who support me fully. Thank you very much!感谢我的教练、我的父母、我亲密无间的队友们以及所有权利支持我的朋友们。谢谢你们！
Reporter: Your coach is very kind to you isn't he?你的教练对你非常好，对吗？
Yang Wei: Yes. But very stict with me. He was quite strict in every movement ring the training sometimes it seemed to be a little severe.是的。但对我非常严格，他对我训练中的每一个动作要求都相当严格，有时似乎有点苛刻。
Reporter: I think it is very helpful to you.我想这对你很有帮助。
Yang Wei: Now I understand it completely. Except that my players are always correcting my unperfect movements. I'm very thankful to them.现在我完全理解。除此之外，我的队友也总给我纠正不完美的动作，我非常感激他们。
Reporter: Thank you for your time. Best wishes for you!谢谢你接受我们的采访。祝福你！
还可以改编下面的对话
对话1：That's Too Perfect
Bob: Did you watch the performance of gymnastics last night?昨天晚上的体操表演你看了吗？
Jim: Of course. I like it best. He Kexin won uneven bars and her performance was too perfect!当然，我太喜欢了。何可欣赢得了高低杠金牌。她的表演太精彩了！
Bob: Last night her performance looked so relaxed and graceful.昨天晚上她的表演看上去是那样的轻松自如，优美娴熟。
Jim: She was quite an experienced gymnast! Not only the performance was perfect but also the movements were quite to the music.她是个相当有经验的体操运动员，不但表演漂亮，动作和音乐的配合也完美无比。
Bob: Right. The movement that she balanced herself on the strength with a single arm was so wonderful that all the audience stood up.说得对。它用一只手臂的力量保持整个身体平衡的那个动作做得如此出色，以致于所有的观众都站起来了。
Jim: En. It needs quite good skills and physical strength to do that.嗯。那需要相当高的技术和力量。
Bob: Yes. Her landing was also swift and sure.对，她的落地也同样轻快娴熟。
J. 急求一份幽默诙谐式的英语口语二人对话范文
昨天来了个老外，进到办公室，前台小姐左看右看，大家都在打游戏，只有自己比较清闲，就面带微笑的：“hello?”
老外：“hi.”
前台小姐：“you have what thing?”
老外：“can you speak english?”
前台小姐：“if i not speak english, i am speaking what?”
老外：“can anybody else speak english? ”
前台小姐：“you yourself look. all people are playing,no people have time, you can wait, you wait, you not wait, you go.”
老外：“good heavens. anybody here can speak english?”
前台小姐：“ shout what shout, quiet a little, you on earth have what thing.”
老外：“i want to speak to your head.”
前台小姐：“head not zai.you tomorrow come.”