⑴ 英语日常口语句子（搞笑）
1 Bazingga！逗你玩！
2 That one is taken！人家已经名花有主了！
3.Nice ,very crafty!呀呵，挺狡猾呀！
4 Listen to you!你听听！（说回的什么话啊）
5 Hold your horses ,young man!别猴答急啊年轻人！
⑵ 求一篇搞笑的英语口语话剧......
医生：你好，请问有什么能帮到您的吗？
Hello what can i do for u
患者：我觉得身体有点不对劲。
I’m not feeling well.
医生：什么地方觉得不舒服？
What are your symptoms?
患者：我头疼，昨天睡眠不太好，不想吃东西，眼睛发红，想吐.
I have a headache, and I haven’t slept properly for last night, I’ve also lost appetite and my eyes are burning, eel and i feel like throwing up.
医生：你的脸色显得苍白，你感觉虚弱吗？
you do look rather pale, do you feel weak?
患者：是的。我似乎一点力气也没有。
Yes, I never seem to have any energy.
医生：你发烧吗?
Do you have a fever?
患者：是的。我想有一点。
Yes, i think a little.
医生：（对助手）请帮他量量体温和验血。
Plese take his
Temperature,and give him a blood test.
助手：（对患者）请把体温表放在腋下。
Would you Please put the thermometer under your arm.? And I’ll give you a blood test. Would you roll up your sleeve?
患者：好的。
OK
医生：吃了什么不对劲的东西没有?
Did you eat something unusual?
患者：我昨天吃了海鲜、冰激凌、炸鸡、汉堡。I had seafood,icecream，fried chicken hamburg.......
医生：你是食物中毒了。没关系，打几针就好了。我的助手会照顾好你的。
Ok just as i thought. You’re anemic.dont worry,just few injections and some pills. my assistance will take care of you.
助手：请坐在这里，脱下裤子。我不会使你感到疼痛的。Please sit here,and take off your pants,dont worry,i’m not going to do anything to hurt you.
患者：但我感到钻心地疼。
But i feel great pains.......
助手：好了。
Ok its done
患者：这病要很久才能恢复吗？
Will it take long to recover?
助手：只要你照医生的吩咐，打针吃药，你很快就会痊愈的。这里是给你的药。
All you need to do is listen to the doctor and take the injections and medcines on time.here is your medcines.
患者：这是一种什么药呢？有什么副作用么？
What kind of medcine is this?does this have any side-effects?
助手：这都是好药，对你的病很有帮助。
These are all good medcines,they are good for your disease.
患者：我什么时候再来？
When shall i come back?
助手：你最好更加注意饮食，多吃新鲜水果、蔬菜。不要熬夜，想办法多休息。这样的话你就不需要再来了。
You’d better pay more attention to your diet. Eat plenty of fresh fruit
and vegetables And don’t
stay up late working. Try to get more rest.then you dont need to come back.
患者：谢谢。
3Q
⑶ 英语日常口语句子（搞笑）
1 Bazingga!逗你玩!
2 That one is taken!人家已经名花有主了!
3.Nice ,very crafty!呀呵,挺狡猾呀!
4 Listen to you!你听听!（说的什么回话啊）
5 Hold your horses ,young man!别猴急啊答年轻人!
⑷ 哪个英语大神能提供一个两人的英语口语对话或者搞笑段子 或者比较经典的英语短文 大概四分钟 跪求
英语口语很棒
⑸ 英语一分钟口语考试，求英文幽默故事一篇
李阳时代背的：
An Awkward Situation
A woman was singing. One of the guests turned to a man by his side and criticized the singer.
"What a terrible voice!" he said. "Do you know who she is?"
"Yes" was the answer. "She is my wife."
"Oh, I beg your pardon." The man said. "Of course her voice isn't bad, but the song is very bad. I wonder who wrote that awful song. "
"I did." was the answer.
可能短了点，不过如果声情并茂，做点动作，大概够吧。。。
⑹ 急！！！求英语幽默口语小对话
One day a visitor from the city came to a small rural area to drive around the country roads, see how the farms looked, and perhaps to see how farmers earned their living.The city man saw a farmer in his yard, holding a pig up in his hands, and lifting it so that the pig could eat apples from an apple tree.The city man said to the farmer, "I see that your pig likes apples, but isn't that quite a waste of time?"The farmer replied, "What's time to a pig?"
一天，有一个城市里的游客来到一个小乡村，在乡间路上开着车，想看看农庄是什么样子，也想看看农夫怎样种田过日子。这位城里人看见一位农夫在宅后的草地上，手中抱着一头猪，并把它举得高高的，好让它能够吃到树上的苹果。城里人对农夫说，"我看你的猪挺喜欢吃苹果的，但是，这不是很浪费时间吗?"那位农夫回答说，"时间对猪有什么意义?"
One girl went to the preacher and confessed her sin.
Girl: Father, I have sinned.
Preacher: What did you do, little girl?
Girl: Yesterday, I called a man a son of a Bitch.
Preacher: Why? What did he do to you?
Girl: He touched my breast.
Preacher: You mean like this? (The guy did it.)
Girl: (A little shy from the touch) Yes.
Preacher: That's no reason to call him that.
Girl: But he also took off my cloth.
Preacher: You mean like this? (He did it again.)
Girl: Yes, that's what he did.
Preacher: That's still no reason to call him that.
Girl: And he put his you-know-what into my you-know-what...
Preacher: (evil laugh...) You mean like this? (And you-know-what)
Girl: (After a few minutes...) Ugh... Yeah, that's what he did...
Preacher: My dear girl, that's still no reason to call him a...
Girl: But he had AIDS!!
Preacher: THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!
Where is the father?
Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.
"Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!"
"Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?"
The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures."
父亲在哪儿？
兄弟俩在看一些漂亮的油画。
“看，”哥哥说，“这些画多漂亮呀！”
“是啊，”弟弟说道，“可是在所有这些画中，只有妈妈和孩子。那爸爸去哪儿了呢？”
哥哥想了会儿，然后解释道：“很明显，他当时正在画这些画呗。”
The poor husband
"You can't imagine how difficult it is for me to deal with my wife," the man complained to his friend. "She asks me a question, then answers it herself, and after that she explained to me for half an hour why my answer is wrong.
可怜的丈夫
“你根本无法想象和我妻子打交道是多么的难，”一个男人对他的朋友诉苦说，“她问我一个问题，然后自己回答了，过后又花半个小时跟我解释为什么我的答案是错的。”
Does the dog know the proverb, too?
The little boy did not like the look of the barking dog.
"It's all right," said a gentleman, "don't be afraid. Don't you know the proverb: Barking dogs don't bite?"
"Ah, yes," answered the little boy. "I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?"
狗也知道这个谚语吗？
一个小男孩非常不喜欢狗狂叫的样子。
“没有关系，”一位先生说，“不用害怕，你知道这条谚语吗：‘吠狗不咬人。’”
“啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道吗？”
⑺ 急求一份幽默诙谐式的英语口语二人对话范文
经典对话一：
男：Can I buy you a drink?（我可以为你买一杯饮料吗？）
女：Actually I’d rather have the money.（不必，我宁愿留下那些钱。)
经典对话二：
男：Can I have your name?（直译：我能有你的名字吗？）
女：Why? Don’t you already have one? （为什么？你不是已经有一个了吗？）
经典对话三：
男：I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours.（我是摄影师。我一直在寻找一张像你这样的脸。）
女：I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours.（我是整形外科医生。我也一直在寻找一张像你这样的脸。）
经典对话四：
男：Is this seat empty?（直译：这个座位是空的吧？）
女：Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.（是的，如果你坐下，我的座位就是空的。）
经典对话五：
男：Haven’t I seen you some place before?（我好像以前在什么地方见过你？）
女：Yes. That’s why I don’t go there anymore.（是的。这就是为什么我不再去那个地方的原因。）
经典对话六：
男：Will you go out with me this Saturday?（这个星期六你想跟我出去吗？）
女：Sorry. I’m having a headache this weekend.（抱歉。这个周末我头疼。）
经典对话七：
男：I think I could make you very happy.（我想我能让你非常快乐。）
女：Why? Are you leaving?（是吗？你是说你要离开？）
⑻ 英语口语考试，有五个情景对话，求大神给出剧本，三分钟，英文最好，中文也行，但求幽默
（自言自语）哦，真是糟糕，居然找不到路了。。（突然看到一个正在看书的女生）你好，同学！我是外国佬，第一次来这里，我可以问你个问题吗？
(automatic speaking) Oh, really bad, I can't find the way.. (suddenly saw a girl is read a Book) Hello, students! I am the foreigner, come here for the first time, may I ask you a question?
（抬起头）额，什么事？
(Tai Qitou) well, what is it?
啊哈，世界之大，能遇见你这样的姑娘真是荣幸啊~~额，（挠头）能告诉我，去厕所的路吗？
Ah, the world is big, can meet you this girl is really honored ah ~ ~ well, (might) tell me, go to the toilet of the road?
哦，天哪，你是眼花了吗？我是女生，怎么会去过男厕所呢？我当然不知道啦
Oh, God, you are dazed? I am a girl, how could have been men's toilet? Of course I don't know
额，在中国，厕所不是在一起的吗？。。。
Well, in China, toilet not together?...
哦，当然不是。这里可没有你那里那么开放
Oh, of course not. Here without you there so open
好吧，我不是那个意思。那么，女厕所在哪里呢？
OK. I didn't mean that. So, where is the toilet?
什么！？你要去女厕所！？
Sorry? Do you want to go to the toilet!?
哦，不，我很急，你能快点告诉我吗？
Oh, no, I'm in a hurry, can you tell me?
好吧，说实话，我也不是本地人，我刚刚来这里度假，所以我无法回答你的问题，抱歉咯
Well, to tell you the truth, I have not a native, I just came here for a holiday, so I can't answer your question, I'm sorry
额……
The amount of......
⑼ 求美剧中两人的搞笑对话~英语口语课要用，2到3分钟就好！
1、 我不需要那些不如我的人对我的肯定。
1、i don’t need validation from lesser minds.
2、 火箭科学家?火箭科学家?你怎么不干脆告诉他们我在金门大桥收过路费?我是研究弦论的理论物理学家。火箭科学家!太侮辱人了!
2、The rocket scientist? The rocket scientist? Why don’t you just tell them that I’m a toll-taker at the golden gate bridge? I’m a theoretical physicist. Rocket scientist, how humiliating!
3、 我觉得我更像一只杜鹃，你知道的，把蛋下在普通鸟巢里的一种更高等的生物。当然，新生的杜鹃把所有的食物都吃掉了，它那些平凡的同胞只能饿死。对你来说很幸运，比喻到此就结束了。
3、I always thought I was more like a cuckoo bird, you know a superior creature whose egg is placed in the nest of ordinary birds, of course, the newly hatched cuckoo eats all the food, leaving the ordinary siblings to starve to death. Luckily for you, that’s where the metaphor ended.
4、 我为人类悲哀。
4、I weep for humanity.
5、 从我妈给我断奶后我就没忘掉过一件事。
5、I haven’t forgotten a single thing since the day my mother stopped breastfeeding me.
6、 我是“聪明人”?要被归为“聪明人”我得去掉60点智商才行。
6、I’m “smart”? I’d have to lose 60 IQ points to be classified as “smart”.
7、 你们那艘要沉的船上又招募了什么老鼠啊?
7、What rat have you recruited to the sinking ship?
8、 我是松香甘油树脂(一种有机黏合剂)，你是无机合剂，所以不管你朝我的方向发射什么语言子弹都会反射以后弹回去，回到它原有的轨道上，附着在你身上。
8、I’m polymerized tree sap, and you’re an inorganic adhesive, so whatever verbal projectile you launch in my direction is reflected off of me, returns on its original trajectory and adheres to you.
9、 我没有无视我妹妹，我无视你们所有人。
9、I’m not ignoring my sister, I’m ignoring all of you.
10、为什么还要浪费食物?在德克萨斯，要是奶牛不产奶了他们才不会继续喂它，他们会把它带出去一枪打死。
Why waste food? In Texas, when a cow goes dry, they don’t keep feeding it, they just take her out and shoot her between the eyes.
可以去看看生活大爆炸。不错的