英语文章阅读百度

A. 简单的英文短文

1.Yesterday was my birthday, so some of my classmates sent me presents. Mother prepared a tea party for me. I invited all of them to come and take part in it.The tea party began at half past six. There were cold drinks and refreshments. We ate, talked and laughed. We felt that we were the happiest men in the world
昨天是我生日，所以有几位我的同班同学送我礼。母亲给我准备一个茶会。我邀请他们都前来参加。茶会下午六点半开始。有冷饮和点心。我们又吃又谈又笑。我们觉得是世界上最快乐的人。。

2.I like the Chinese new year better than any other festival. This is a time especially for rest and joy. I need not study. I wear good clothes and eat good food. I have a good time from morning till night. I am as happy as a king.
我喜欢中国新年比喜欢其它任何节日更甚。这是一个专为休息和欢乐的时间。我不需要读书。我穿好衣服，吃好东西。我每天从早到晚日子过得轻松愉快。我和上帝一样快乐。

3.No sooner had the witer vacation begun than I returned to my native town. Of course I
must make good use of it;.In the morning I reviewed my lessons and read newspapers or magazines. In the afternoon I played ball games with my friends or went fishing in the river. At night I watched television with my family. hardly had the clock on the wall struck ten when I went to bed.
寒假刚一开始，我就回故乡了。自然我须好好利用它。 早晨我复习功课并阅读报纸或杂志。下午我和朋友打球，或去河中钓鱼。晚上我就和家人看看电视。墙上的钟刚敲十下，我就去睡觉了。

4.I live very happily today! In the morning, it is very fine! Then I climb the mountain with family, the air on the mountain is very fresh, the flowers plants and trees on the mountain all seem extremely beautiful. Coming back home in the evening, family and I sat and watched TV together, we are returning and eating the fruit while chatting, the whole family is happy and harmonious!
今天我过得非常开心！早上，天气非常好！于是我和家人一起去登山，山上的空气非常清新，山上的花草树木都显得格外美丽。晚上回到家，我与家人坐在一起看电视，我们还一边聊天一边吃着水果，全家其乐融融！

B. 英语阅读文章

小学英语英语阅读

(一)
My name is Wang Ling. I‘m a girl. I’m twelve. I’m in Class Three. Grade One, My nother and my father are teachers. Miss Gao is my English teacher. I think she is twenty – five. She is a good teacher. I like her.
( )1.Wang Ling is in Class Two, Grade One.
( )2.Her mother is a teacher.
( )3.Miss Gao is her Chinese teacher.
( )4.Miss Gao is twenty – five.
( )5.Wang Ling isn’t a boy.
(二)
Wu Dong has a good friend. His name is Peter. He is from the U.S.A Wu Dong and Peter are in the same class. They go to school five days a week. They stay at home on Sunday and Saturday. Peter likes China and Chinese food. He likes rice cakes very much. At school they play table tennis (乒乓球)after class.
Wu Dong and Peter likes making things. Now they are making a plane. They like flying planes on Sunday morning. Peter speaks English and a little Chinese. Wu Dong speaks Chinese and a little English. They teach each other. (互相)
（ ）、Wu Dong has an American friend.
（ ）2、They go to school from Monday to Friday.
（ ）3、They often fly planes after class.
（ ）4、Wu Dong teaches Peter English and Peter teaches Wu Dong Chinese.
（ ）5、Peter often eats rice cakes because he likes eating them.

（三）
阅读短文，判断正误（对的写T, 错的写F）
This is Billy and his brother’s bedroom. It’s not very big, but it is tidy（整洁）.There are two beds in the room. There is a desk between（在……中间）the beds. There are some books on the desk. Some are English books. Some are Chinese books. There is a phone on the desk, too. There are two chairs beside the desk. One is for Billy, and the other（另一把）is for his brother. There is a map of America on the wall. There is a map of the world on the wall, too. Billy and his brother like their bedroom very much.
True or False:
( ) 1. The bedroom is small, and it’s clean.
( ) 2. There are two desks in the bedroom.
( ) 3. There are some Chinese books on the desk.
( ) 4. There are two maps on the wall.
( ) 5. There isn’t a phone in the bedroom.
( ) 6. The chairs are for Billy and his brother.

（四）
阅读短文，判断正误。（对的写T, 错的写F）
We have a two-month holiday every summer. It starts in July and ends in August. During(在…期间) this summer holiday. I went traveling out of Nanjing with Sue. She is my good friend. We went to Shanghai by boat. We had a good time there. My classmates were all at home. They did their homework and watched a lot of TV. They told me they didn’t like traveling.
（ ）1、The summer holiday starts in June and ends in August.
（ ）2、We took a boat to Shanghai.
（ ）3、We had a lot of fun in Shanghai.
（ ）4、My classmates stayed at home.
（ ）5、My classmates like traveling.
（五）
阅读判断正误，正确的在括号内填“T”，否则填“F”
Hi, everyone. Here is the weather report. It’s an interesting day today for weather around the country.
Look! It’s sunny in Beijing, but rainy in Jinan. It’s fine and cloudy in Qing. It’s raining in Shanghai. It’s warm in Guangzhou and Fuzhou. It’s cool in Xi’an and Shenyang .It’s cold in Harbin. It’s hot in Shenzhen and Hongkong.
That’s the weather report for today. Thank you for watching.
( )1、The radio is giving the weather report .
( )2、It’s fine in Beijing today.
( )3、You may play volleyball outside in Xi’an.
( )4、You can go to Shanghai today.
( )5、You can go to the park in Fuzhou.

（六）
阅读判断正误，正确的在括号内填“T”，否则填“F”
Mary is an American school girl. She is ten years old. Now she and her parents(父母) are in Shanghai. Her parents teach English in our school. They are very kind. Mary is a good pupil. She is good at math. She is clever. Now she can speak a little Chinese.
( ) 1 Mary is from America.
( ) Her father is a Chinese teacher.
( ) 3 Mary is in Shanghai now.
( ) 4 She isn’t good at math.
( ) 5 Mary can speak a lot of Chinese
（七）
阅读判断正误，正确的在括号内填“T”，否则填“F”
Wu Dong has a good friend. His name is Peter. He is from the U.S.A Wu Dong and Peter are in the same class. They go to school five days a week. They stay at home on Sunday and Saturday. Peter likes China and Chinese food. He likes rice cakes very much. At school they play table tennis (乒乓球)after class.

Wu Dong and Peter likes making things. Now they are making a plane. They like flying planes on Sunday morning. Peter speaks English and a little Chinese. Wu Dong speaks Chinese and a little English. They teach each other. (互相)
（ ）1、Wu Dong has an American friend.
（ ）2、They go to school from Monday to Friday.
（ ）3、They often fly planes after class.
（ ）4、Wu Dong teaches Peter English and Peter teaches Wu Dong Chinese.
（ ）5、Peter often eats rice cakes because he likes eating them.

（八）
I'm Fangfang.I live in a village. It's small but beautiful..
Look! That is my house. There are some trees near it. Behind the house
there's a big river. You can see some boats on the river. Many cks are
beside the boats. How lovely! Oh, many flowers are between the trees.
Let's get some to our teachers.
( )1.Fangfang's house is small.
( )2.There's a small river behind the house.
( )3.There are some boats on the river.
( )4.What lovely cks they are!
( )5.Some flowers between the trees are for our English teachers。

（九）
完型填空
Mrs. White__1__in a school. It is Sunday. She has__2__classes. At eight in the morning, she
__3__to a shop and buys a nice dress. She puts it in her bag and then buys__4__cakes for her children. At eleven she__5__home. She wants to put on her new dress, but she__6__find her bag. She calls the shop assistant (售货员), “Hello, Mrs. Black. This is Mrs. White. Can you help__7__ find my bag?__8__in your shop.”
“Of course, Mrs. White,” says the assistant. “We found three bags here. But which one is__9__?”
“I’m__10__,” says Mrs. White, ” I can tell you which one is mine.”
1. A. work B. works C. working D. study
2. A. not B. any C. some D. no
3. A. walks B. go C. walking D. walk
4. A. a piece B. a little C. some D. much
5. A. gets to B. gets C. get D. get to
6. A. can B. don’t C. can’t D. isn’t
7. A. I B. my C. mine D. me
8. A. It’s B. Its C. They’re D. He’s
9. A. you B. your C. mine D. yours
10. A. go B. come C. coming D. coming

（十）
完形填空
younger older of gray glasses
This is a picture ____ my grandmother. She is eighty years old.She has _____ hair and she wears ________ . She loves me very much and I love her very much,too.
WangLin is twelve years old,Jenny is twenty years old and Li Ming is fourteen years old. Wang Lin is ____ than Jenny. Jenny is ____ than Li Ming,but ____ than WangLin.

（十一）
判断对（T）错（F）
ZhangLin is a boy. He’s twelve years old. His English is very good.Because his mother is an English teacher. His favouriter clothes is a yellow shirt. It’s very nice. He likes to play foot ball with his friends. He always go to school by bus.On Sundays we offten play and study together. We are good friends.
1. Zhang Lin’s mother is a Chinese teacher. ( )
2. He likes a yellow shirt. ( )
3. He always goes to school by bike. ( )
4. Zhang Lin is twelve years old. ( )
5. He is my good friend. ( )

（十二）
介词填空
to in of with at on far
1. Look ____ her hair.It’s red.
2. I live _____ China.
3. She goes to work_______ her bicycle.
4. They go _____ a walk after supper.
5. This is a picture _____ my family.
6. I like to play checkers______ my uncle.
7. Do you go to the gym ____ play badminton?

（十三）
阅读选择
Li Ming has two good friends from Canada. They are rose and Mike. Their country is very far from China.
They are in the same school,but they are not in the same class(班) .Li Ming and Rose are in Class One. They live in the same building. It is a little far from their school. They ride their bicycles to school and ride home together every day.
( )1.Where are Rose and Mike from?
A. The U.K. B.Canada C.Australia
( )2.Li Ming and Mike are _____.
A.in the same class B.not in the same school
C. not in the same class.
( )3.They live ______.
A. very far from their school B.near their school
C.in one building
4.They go to school and come home ____ every day.
A. by bicycle B.by bus C. by car

（十四）
阅读判断对（T）错（F）
Hello，my name is Jimmy. I’m eleven . I am in Class Five,Grad (年级)Six.Now let me tell you some thing about my family. There are three people in my family. My father my mother and I .My father is a worker and my mother is a worker ,too.And they are both good workers, I am a good student. My father and mother love me very much. I love them very much,too. We have a new car. It’s green. I like it very much.
1.We have an old car. ( )
2.I’m in class six, Grand Five ( )
3.There are three people in my family. ( )
4.My father and mother are both worker. ( )
5.I don’t like our car. ( )

C. 英语短文阅读理解

（1） 算出你需要多少钱，并带上足够的钱。
（2）important need
I need make a shopping list, take enough money and carry my own shopping bags.
意思相版近的句子： There are many nice things in the shopping mall,but what you really need is only some of them.
主题句：权 Here are some shopping tips for you

D. 英语阅读理解文章

做英语阅读原则：读的进去，还要跳的出来。要明白文章的结构和作者回的写作意图，你就是拿着文答章只管读，而没有去思考为什么这样写以及文章结构而造成的。都文章要有整体意识，读的进去，还要跳的出来。希望能帮到你！

E. 有哪些阅读英文文章，短文的app

可以试下知米背单词APP哈！

其中：1，“阅读”部分根据不同群体的兴趣爱好回分为不同阶段、不答同类型的文章，（比如：初中、高中、四六级、研一研二、托福、雅思、新闻、双语漫读、名著等）满足用户不同需求。

4，Last but not least，所有素材资源都是免费提供给爱学习的小伙伴们！

说了这么多，还是要自己体验一下，才有体会，加油！

F. 有哪些阅读英语文章的app

可以阅读英语文章的app有：有道e读、扇贝阅读、ZoReader、爱洋葱、阿西吧少儿英语app，比较推荐阿西吧。

可以去阿西吧的APP里面免费领取到一节少儿英语课程，最主要是跟着外教一对一的口语对话，现在分享他们的试听课给大家，点击免费领取：【https://www.acadsoc.com】

阿西吧少儿英语app主要是针对少儿的各个年龄阶段，是一个比较全面的学习app。从简单的字母入门再到难一点的情景对话，这个app有着丰富的配音内容，多元化的一些英语情景，图片多文字少的一个教学，为少年儿童甚至大人提供了一个轻松学英语的平台。

通过这个阿西吧少儿英语app，孩子们可以直接用手机在上面预约课程，然后上课，选课，优势还可以取消课程，非常方便。足不出户就可以学习到英语，让大人也省去了很多配送孩子来回奔波的时间，让家长省心。而且它还拥有很多美剧影片可以提供给少儿观看和学习，还有智能的语音打分系统可以纠正少儿的发音问题。

还有其他什么学习问题，可以网络搜“阿西吧vivi老师”为您分析解答。

想要更多的英语学习资源，可以网络搜“阿西吧官网论坛”免费下载。

G. 英语阅读小短文

以下为本人精心解答，还望楼主满意^_^
1.
What
does
the
monster
in
Loch
Ness
look
like?
It
looks
like
a
dinosaur.
（它看起来像一只恐龙。）
2.
What
did
Robert
Kenneth
Wilson
do
in
1934?
He
gave
a
newspaper
a
photo
of
the
monster.
（他给了回一家报纸一张这答个怪兽的照片。）
3.
How
did
Christian
Spurling
surprise
everyone?
He
said
the
photo
of
the
Loch
Ness
Monster
was
a
fake.
（他说这张尼斯湖水怪的照片是假的。）
4.
How
are
many
tricks
and
jokes
spread
today?
They
are
spread
using
e-mail.
（它们是通过电子邮件的使用而得以传播的。）
5.
What
do
you
thank
of
tricks
and
jokes
like
today?
Some
can
be
funny,
but
others
can
cause
trouble.
（一些很有趣，不过另外一些可能会制造麻烦。）

H. 英语阅读短文

1. c

2. a

3. d

4. b

5. a
   

I. 英语短文阅读

At an exhibition of the world's best swordsman, the third-place fencer took the stage. A fly was released, and with an arc of his sword he cut the fly in half. The crowd cheered. Then the second-place man sliced a fly into quarters. A hush fell in anticipation of the world's greatest swordsman.

His blade came down in a mighty arc - but the insect continued on its way! The crowd was aghast. The greatest swordsman had missed his target completely, yet he continued to smile.

"Why are you so happy?" someone yelled. "You missed!"

"Ah," replied the swordsman, "you weren't watching very carefully. They fly lives, yes - but he will never be a father."

世界上最伟大的击剑手

在一场世界最佳击剑手表演中，排名第三的击剑手上场了。一只苍蝇放了出来，剑划了一个弧，他将苍蝇劈成了两半。观众欢呼起来。紧接着排名第二的人将一只苍蝇切成了四半。现场一阵沉默，人们期盼着世界上最伟大的击剑手出场。

他的剑锋以一个巨大的弧线划了下来－－然而那只昆虫还在继续飞行!观众被惊呆了。最伟大的击剑手完全错过了他的目标，然而他还在微笑着。

“你为什么这么高兴？”有人嚷道，“你没击中!”

“啊，”剑手答道，“你刚才没有很仔细地看。苍蝇还活着，是的－－但他永远也做不成爸爸了。”
—————————————————————————————————————————
A Mistake

An American, a Scot and a Canadian were killed in a car accident. They arrived at the gates of heaven, where a flustered St. Peter explained that there had been a mistake. "Give me $500 each," he said, "and I'll return you to earth as if the whole thing never happened."

"Done!" said the American. Instantly, he found himself standing unhurt near the scene.

"Where are the others?" asked a medic.

"Last I knew," said the American, "the Scot was haggling price, and the Canadian was arguing that his government should pay."

搞错了

一位美国人，一位英格兰人和一位加拿大人在一场车祸中丧生。他们到达天堂的门口。在那里，醉醺醺的圣彼德解释说是搞错了。“每人给我五百美元，”他说，“我将把你们送回人间，就象什么都没有发生过一样。”

“成交!”美国人说。立刻，他发现自己毫不损伤地站在现场附近。

“其他人在哪儿？”一名医生问道。

“我离开之前，”那名美国人说，“我看见英格兰人正在砍价，而那名加拿大人正在分辩说应该由他的政府来出这笔钱。”
————————————————————————————————————————
Pig or Witch

A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells "PIG!!" The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, "WITCH(女巫)!!" They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road. If only men would listen.

猪还是女巫

一个男人在一条陡峭狭窄的山路上驾车，一个女人相向驾车而来。他们相遇时，那个女的从窗中伸出头来叫到：“猪！！”那个男的立即从窗中伸出头来回敬道：“女巫！！”他们继续前行。这个男的在下一个路口转弯时，撞上了路中间的一头猪。要是这个男的能听懂那个女人的意思就好了。
—————————————————————————————————————————
Response Ability

An Ogden, Iowa, minister was matching coins with a member of his congregation for a cup of coffee. When asked if that didn't constitute gambling, the minister replied, "It's merely a scientific method of determining just who is going to commit an act of charity."

Philosopher Bertrand Russell, asked if he was willing to die for his beliers, replied: "Of course not. After all, I may be wrong."

A newspaper organized a contest for the best answer to the question: "If a fire broke out in the Louvre, and if you could only save one painting, which one would you carry out?"
The winning reply was: "The one nearest the exit."

答问技巧

衣阿华州奥格根的一位牧师正在与一位教友为一杯咖啡而猜硬币。别人问他那是否构成赌博行为时，牧师答道：“这仅仅是决定由谁来做一件善事的一种科学方法。”

当我人问哲学家罗素是否愿意为了他的信仰而献身时，他答道：“当然不会。毕竟，我可能会是错的。”

一份报纸组织了一场竞赛，为下面的问题征集最佳答案：“如果卢浮宫起了火，而你只能救出一幅画，你将救出哪一幅？”
获奖的答案是：“最接近门口的那一幅。”
————————————————————————————————————————
Jonesie The Great Lion Hunter

A small village was troubled by a man-eating lion. So its leaders sent a message to the great hunter, Jonesie, to come and kill the beast.

For several nights the hunter lay in wait for the lion, but it never appeared. Finally, he told the village chief to kill a cow and give him its hide. Draping the skin over his shoulders, he went to the pasture to wait for the lion.

In the middle of the night, the villagers woke to the sound of blood-curdling shrieks coming from the pasture. As they carefully approached, they saw the hunter on the ground, groaning in pain. There was no sign of the lion.

"What happened, Jonesie? Where is the lion?" asked the chief.

"Forget the damn lion!" he howled. "Which one of you idiots let the bull loose?"

伟大的猎手Jonesie

有个小村庄正为一只吃人的狮子而烦恼。于是，村长派人去请伟大的猎手Jonesie来杀死这只野兽。

猎手躺着等了几个晚上，但狮子一直没有出现。最后，他要求村长杀只羊然后把头皮给他。把羊皮披在身上后，猎人到草原上去等狮子。

半夜，村民被从草原传来的声嘶力竭的尖叫声惊醒。他们小心地靠近后，看到猎手正躺在草地上痛苦地呻吟。没有狮子出没的蛛丝马迹。

“Jonesie，怎么了？狮子在哪？”村长问。

“哪有狮子！”猎人怒吼道，“哪个傻瓜把公牛放出来了？”
————————————————————————————————————————
Weather Predict

A film crew was on location deep in the desert. One day an old Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow rain." The next day it rained.

A week later, the Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow storm." The next day there was a hailstorm.

"This Indian is incredible," said the director. He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather.

However, after several successful predictions, the old Indian didn't show up for two weeks.

Finally the director sent for him. "I have to shoot a big scene tomorrow," said the director, "and I'm depending on you. What will the weather be like?"

The Indian shrugged his shoulders. "Don't know," he said. "Radio is broken."

天气预报

一个电影摄制组在沙漠深处工作.一天,一个印度老人到导演跟前告诉导演说"明天下雨."第二天果然下雨了.

一周后,印度人又来告诉导演说,"明天有风暴."果然,第二天下了雹暴.

"印度人真神,"导演说.他告诉秘书雇佣该印度人来预报天气.

几次预报都很成功.然后,接下来的两周,印度人不见了.

最后,导演派人去把他叫来了."我明天必须拍一个很大的场景,"导演说,"这得靠你了.明天天气如何啊?"

印度人耸了耸肩."我不知道,"印度人说,"收音机坏了."
——————————————————————————————————————————
I Am Acting Like a Lady

One day when women's dresses were on sale at the FarEast Department Store, a dignified middle-aged man decided to get his wife a piece. But he soon found himself being battered by frantic women.

He stood it as long as he could; then, with head lowered and arms flailing, he plowed through the crowed.

"You there!" challenged a thrill voice. "Can't you act like a gentleman?"

"Listen," he said, "I have been acting like a gentleman for an hour. From now on, I am acting like a lady."

我要表现得象位女士

一天，远东百货公司的女装大减价，一位高贵的中年男士想给太太买一件。可是，没过多久，他发现自己已被疯狂的女人冲得踉踉跄跄。

他竭力忍耐着。后来，他低下头，挥动双臂，挤过人群。

“你干嘛？”有人尖声叫道，“你难道不能表现得象位绅士吗？”

“听着，”他说，“我已经象绅士一样表现了一个小时。从现在起，我要表现得象个女士。”
这样可以么?很多哦

回答者： 寒蝉鸣泣の时 - 魔法师 四级 2009-5-19 21:06
1。Today and friends of foreign travel, outside air is very good, people feel very comfortable. We all appreciate the fine girls bicycles. We enjoyed the beautiful nature brought. We happily spent a happy day. 今天和朋友一起出外交游，外面的空气很好，人感觉很舒服。我们骑着自行车一路欣赏鸟语花香。享受着大自然带给我们的无限美好。大家开开心心地度过了愉快的一天。

2。Today Mailehaoo clothes, and parents take to the streets is happy, the parents have to pay to buy things. Unlike in their street to buy things they like to take a long time but saw the price, Ha-ha, is really very happy. I love my parents, I too thank them for the care and love. `` 今天买了好多衣服，和父母上街就是愉快，买东西有父母帮付钱。不像平时自己上街买东西碰到喜欢的但看了价钱都要考虑好久，呵呵，真的是很开心。我爱我的父母，太感谢他们对我的关心和爱戴了。
3.Flute " Robinson Crusoe " of good fortune, novelist of British, describe protagonist drift about on the island, overcome the difficulty, the legend story of pioneering an enterprise with painstaking efforts. Novel write true naturally, legendary. The protagonist plants the crops on the detached island, puts up the log cabin, has eaten the innumerable trials and tribulations, survive. Want, go back human world anxious, want to go how about go out of these damnable place only like make him to be fascinated, result fail, get back to, long separated for Britain for 28 year give me enlightenment by " Robinson's records of adventure " on 1868 year finally, tanacity of him let me wait for a chance to cause trouble, want, march toward another goal for life, look like Robinson like that spend one's own strength,reach ideal realm one's own. We need possess Robinson so spirit of struggle diligently.
英国小说家笛福的《鲁滨逊漂流记》描述了主人公漂流海岛,战胜困难,艰苦创业的传奇故事. 小说写得真实自然,富有传奇色彩.主人公在孤岛上种庄稼,搭木屋,吃了千辛万苦,生存下来.但想回人间的心切,使他着迷般地只想到如何走出这个鬼地方,结果还是失败了,最后于1868年回到阔别28年的英国
《鲁滨孙漂流记》给我以启示，他的顽强让我蠢蠢欲动，想要迈向人生的另一目标，像鲁滨孙那样用自己的力量，到达自己理想的境界。
我们需要具备鲁滨逊那样的刻苦奋斗的精神.
The World's Greatest Swordsman

At an exhibition of the world's best swordsman, the third-place fencer took the stage. A fly was released, and with an arc of his sword he cut the fly in half. The crowd cheered. Then the second-place man sliced a fly into quarters. A hush fell in anticipation of the world's greatest swordsman.

His blade came down in a mighty arc - but the insect continued on its way! The crowd was aghast. The greatest swordsman had missed his target completely, yet he continued to smile.

"Why are you so happy?" someone yelled. "You missed!"

"Ah," replied the swordsman, "you weren't watching very carefully. They fly lives, yes - but he will never be a father."

世界上最伟大的击剑手

在一场世界最佳击剑手表演中，排名第三的击剑手上场了。一只苍蝇放了出来，剑划了一个弧，他将苍蝇劈成了两半。观众欢呼起来。紧接着排名第二的人将一只苍蝇切成了四半。现场一阵沉默，人们期盼着世界上最伟大的击剑手出场。

他的剑锋以一个巨大的弧线划了下来－－然而那只昆虫还在继续飞行!观众被惊呆了。最伟大的击剑手完全错过了他的目标，然而他还在微笑着。

“你为什么这么高兴？”有人嚷道，“你没击中!”

“啊，”剑手答道，“你刚才没有很仔细地看。苍蝇还活着，是的－－但他永远也做不成爸爸了。”
—————————————————————————————————————————
A Mistake

An American, a Scot and a Canadian were killed in a car accident. They arrived at the gates of heaven, where a flustered St. Peter explained that there had been a mistake. "Give me $500 each," he said, "and I'll return you to earth as if the whole thing never happened."

"Done!" said the American. Instantly, he found himself standing unhurt near the scene.

"Where are the others?" asked a medic.

"Last I knew," said the American, "the Scot was haggling price, and the Canadian was arguing that his government should pay."

搞错了

一位美国人，一位英格兰人和一位加拿大人在一场车祸中丧生。他们到达天堂的门口。在那里，醉醺醺的圣彼德解释说是搞错了。“每人给我五百美元，”他说，“我将把你们送回人间，就象什么都没有发生过一样。”

“成交!”美国人说。立刻，他发现自己毫不损伤地站在现场附近。

“其他人在哪儿？”一名医生问道。

“我离开之前，”那名美国人说，“我看见英格兰人正在砍价，而那名加拿大人正在分辩说应该由他的政府来出这笔钱。”
————————————————————————————————————————
Pig or Witch

A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells "PIG!!" The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, "WITCH(女巫)!!" They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road. If only men would listen.

猪还是女巫

一个男人在一条陡峭狭窄的山路上驾车，一个女人相向驾车而来。他们相遇时，那个女的从窗中伸出头来叫到：“猪！！”那个男的立即从窗中伸出头来回敬道：“女巫！！”他们继续前行。这个男的在下一个路口转弯时，撞上了路中间的一头猪。要是这个男的能听懂那个女人的意思就好了。
—————————————————————————————————————————
Response Ability

An Ogden, Iowa, minister was matching coins with a member of his congregation for a cup of coffee. When asked if that didn't constitute gambling, the minister replied, "It's merely a scientific method of determining just who is going to commit an act of charity."

Philosopher Bertrand Russell, asked if he was willing to die for his beliers, replied: "Of course not. After all, I may be wrong."

A newspaper organized a contest for the best answer to the question: "If a fire broke out in the Louvre, and if you could only save one painting, which one would you carry out?"
The winning reply was: "The one nearest the exit."

答问技巧

衣阿华州奥格根的一位牧师正在与一位教友为一杯咖啡而猜硬币。别人问他那是否构成赌博行为时，牧师答道：“这仅仅是决定由谁来做一件善事的一种科学方法。”

当我人问哲学家罗素是否愿意为了他的信仰而献身时，他答道：“当然不会。毕竟，我可能会是错的。”

一份报纸组织了一场竞赛，为下面的问题征集最佳答案：“如果卢浮宫起了火，而你只能救出一幅画，你将救出哪一幅？”
获奖的答案是：“最接近门口的那一幅。”
————————————————————————————————————————
Jonesie The Great Lion Hunter

A small village was troubled by a man-eating lion. So its leaders sent a message to the great hunter, Jonesie, to come and kill the beast.

For several nights the hunter lay in wait for the lion, but it never appeared. Finally, he told the village chief to kill a cow and give him its hide. Draping the skin over his shoulders, he went to the pasture to wait for the lion.

In the middle of the night, the villagers woke to the sound of blood-curdling shrieks coming from the pasture. As they carefully approached, they saw the hunter on the ground, groaning in pain. There was no sign of the lion.

"What happened, Jonesie? Where is the lion?" asked the chief.

"Forget the damn lion!" he howled. "Which one of you idiots let the bull loose?"

伟大的猎手Jonesie

有个小村庄正为一只吃人的狮子而烦恼。于是，村长派人去请伟大的猎手Jonesie来杀死这只野兽。

猎手躺着等了几个晚上，但狮子一直没有出现。最后，他要求村长杀只羊然后把头皮给他。把羊皮披在身上后，猎人到草原上去等狮子。

半夜，村民被从草原传来的声嘶力竭的尖叫声惊醒。他们小心地靠近后，看到猎手正躺在草地上痛苦地呻吟。没有狮子出没的蛛丝马迹。

“Jonesie，怎么了？狮子在哪？”村长问。

“哪有狮子！”猎人怒吼道，“哪个傻瓜把公牛放出来了？”
————————————————————————————————————————
Weather Predict

A film crew was on location deep in the desert. One day an old Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow rain." The next day it rained.

A week later, the Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow storm." The next day there was a hailstorm.

"This Indian is incredible," said the director. He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather.

However, after several successful predictions, the old Indian didn't show up for two weeks.

Finally the director sent for him. "I have to shoot a big scene tomorrow," said the director, "and I'm depending on you. What will the weather be like?"

The Indian shrugged his shoulders. "Don't know," he said. "Radio is broken."

天气预报

一个电影摄制组在沙漠深处工作.一天,一个印度老人到导演跟前告诉导演说"明天下雨."第二天果然下雨了.

一周后,印度人又来告诉导演说,"明天有风暴."果然,第二天下了雹暴.

"印度人真神,"导演说.他告诉秘书雇佣该印度人来预报天气.

几次预报都很成功.然后,接下来的两周,印度人不见了.

最后,导演派人去把他叫来了."我明天必须拍一个很大的场景,"导演说,"这得靠你了.明天天气如何啊?"

印度人耸了耸肩."我不知道,"印度人说,"收音机坏了."
——————————————————————————————————————————
I Am Acting Like a Lady

One day when women's dresses were on sale at the FarEast Department Store, a dignified middle-aged man decided to get his wife a piece. But he soon found himself being battered by frantic women.

He stood it as long as he could; then, with head lowered and arms flailing, he plowed through the crowed.

"You there!" challenged a thrill voice. "Can't you act like a gentleman?"

"Listen," he said, "I have been acting like a gentleman for an hour. From now on, I am acting like a lady."

我要表现得象位女士

一天，远东百货公司的女装大减价，一位高贵的中年男士想给太太买一件。可是，没过多久，他发现自己已被疯狂的女人冲得踉踉跄跄。

他竭力忍耐着。后来，他低下头，挥动双臂，挤过人群。

“你干嘛？”有人尖声叫道，“你难道不能表现得象位绅士吗？”

“听着，”他说，“我已经象绅士一样表现了一个小时。从现在起，我要表现得象个女士。”

J. 有哪些阅读英语文章的app

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