A. 幫我看下英語幽默小故事語法有沒有錯（在線等，急）
A person riding a motorcycle like to wear the jacket backwards, that is to fasten the button at the back so as to block the wind. One day he was drink-driving, turned and crashed in the street.
Police arrived at the scene :
Police A: Well, this is a serious accident.
Police B: Yes, ah, he hit the ground so hard his head is twisted backwards.
Police A: ah, he is breathing, we should help him twist his head back.
Police B: Well ..... one, two, turn back hard.
Police A: Ah, he is not breathing anymore.........
B. 英語幽默小故事
1. OICU
A boy has a parrot in his family.He likes it very much and he often teaches his parrot to say the letters,"OICU".The parrot speaks very well and it speaks"OICU"every day.One day,a thief comes into a house to steal something.There is only the parrot at home.When the thief comes into the door,he hears"OICU".And he runs away.But do you know why?You see,"OICU"means,"Oh,I see you."
一個小孩家裡有隻鸚鵡，他非常喜歡它，經常教他的鸚鵡說字母「OICU」。鸚鵡說的很好，它每天都說「OICU」。一天，一個小偷進房子里偷東西。只有鸚鵡在家。當小偷進門的時候，他聽見了「OICU」，他馬上跑掉了。但是你知道為什麼嗎？你知道，「OICU」意思是「哦，我看見你了。」
C. 英語幽默故事帶翻譯
這樣可以嗎 ？
Teacher:Why are you late for school every morning?
Tom:Every time I come to the corner,a sign says,"School-Go slow".
老師:為什麼你每天早晨都遲到?
湯姆:每當我經過學校的拐角處,就看見一個牌子上寫著"學校----慢行".
A Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
好孩子
小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢。
「昨天給你的錢干什麼了？」
「我給了一個可憐的老太婆，」他回答說。 「你真是個好孩子，」媽媽驕傲地說。「再給你兩分錢。可你為什麼對那位老太太那麼感興趣呢？」
「她是個賣糖果的。」
Drunk
One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."
"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"
醉酒
一天，父親與小兒子一道回家。這個孩子正處於那種對什麼事都很感興趣的年齡，老是有提不完的問題。他向父親發問道：「爸爸，『醉』字是什麼意思？」 「唔，孩子，」父親回答說，「你瞧那兒站著兩個警察。如果我把他們看成了四個，那麼我就算醉了。」 「可是，爸爸， 」孩子說，「那兒只有一個警察呀！」
D. 英語幽默小故事，要帶翻譯，3-4分鍾。
Who is Stupid?
A teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you''re stupid, stand up!"
Little Johnny then stood up.
The teacher said, "Do you think you''re stupid, Johnny?"
"No, ma''am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"
誰愚蠢
一個老師在對學生們講心理學，「誰認為自己蠢就站起來？」她一開始就說。
小約翰尼站了起來。
「你認為你很蠢嗎，小約翰尼？」老師問。
「不是的，老師，我只是不喜歡看你一個人站著。」
gsgongwm 2008-12-22 11:24:10
A father said to his sons: "Tomorrow your mother is going to bake a pie. Who is going to eat it?"
The oldest son replied: "Father, I'll eat it all!"
The father then said: "Tomorrow I'm going to butcher a pig. Who is going to eat it?"
The same son answered: "Father,I'll eat it all!"
The father added: "Tomorrow, we are going to plough the field. Who is going to plough?"
The oldest son answered again: "It's always me, always me. Now it's someone else's turn to volunteer!"
總是我
一位父親對他的兒子們說：「你們的媽媽明天要烙一張餡餅，誰要吃呢？」
大兒子說：「爸爸，我要把它都吃了。」
父親接著說：「明天我要殺一口豬，誰要吃呢？」
又是大兒子說：「爸爸，我要把它都吃了。」
父親又說：「明天我們要耕地，誰想耕地呢？」
大兒子再次回答道：「總是我，總是我，這次還是讓其他人來做吧。」
2
Dentist: I'm sorry, madam, but I'll have to charge you twenty-five dollars for pulling your son's tooth.
Mother: Twenty-five dollars! But I thought you only charged five dollars for an extraction.
Dentist: I usually do. But your son yelled so loud, he scared four other patients out of the office.
昂貴的代價
牙科醫生：對不起，夫人，為給您的兒子拔牙，我得收二十五美元。
母親：二十五美元！可是我知道您拔一顆牙只要五美元呀？
牙科醫生：是的。但是您兒子這么大聲地叫喚，他都嚇跑四位病人了。
3
A child on Christmas time asked for some paper and crayons in order to draw a crib. Eventually the artistic masterpiece was displayed for parental approval. The manager, the shepherds, Jesus and Holy Family wore ly admired.
"But what/'s that in the corner?" asked Mother.
"Oh, that/'s their telly," replied the tot.
耶穌的電視機
聖誕節時孩子要了紙和蠟筆，想畫一張耶穌誕生像。最後這件藝術品被陳列出來供父母鑒賞。
他們對耶穌誕生後睡的馬槽，牧羊人，耶穌及其家庭都逐一表示贊賞。
「可是那個角落裡是什麼？」媽媽問。
「噢，那是他們的電視機，」孩子回答說。
4
調查員:What is your father's name？
小弟:Happy！！
調查員:What is your mother's name？
小弟:Smile！
調查員:Are you joking？
小弟:No！！That's my sister！！ I am Kidding！！
5
業余工作
When my son was a hign-school sophomore, he got a part-time job sacking groceries at a supermarket. He came home all smiles.
"How was your first day?" I asked.
"It was great, Dad," he replied. "I got to talk to some good-looking girls."
Since Stephen is not very talkative, I asked, "What did you say to them?"
"Do you prefer paper or plastic?" 。
鑰匙還是接吻
A friend of mine was giving an English lesson to a class of alt who had recently come to live in the United States. After placing quite a number of everyday objects on a table, he asked various members of the class to give him the ruler, the book, the pen and so on. The class went very smoothly and the students seemed interested and serious about the work that they were engaged in until when my friend turned to an Italian student and said, "Give me the keys." The man looked surprised and somewhat at a loss. Seeing this, my friend thought that the student hadn't heard him clearly, so he repeated. "Give me the keys." The Italian shrugged his shoulders. Then, he threw his arms around the teacher's neck and kissed him on both cheeks.。
E. 英語幽默小故事(中英文對照)
I'm Trying to Stop It
"Boy, why have you got cotton-wool in your ear? Is it infected?"
"No, sir, but you said yesterday that everything you told me went in one ear and out the other , so I am trying to stop it."
「孩子，你為什麼用棉花塞住耳朵？它感染了嗎？」
「沒有，老師。可是你昨天說你告訴我的知識都是一個耳朵里進，一個耳朵里出，所以我要把它堵在裡面。」
「I'm sorry ，Madam ，but I shall have to charge you twenty dollars for pulling your boy's tooth .」
「Twenty d ollars! Why ，I understand you to say that you charged only four dollars for such work!」
「Yes ，but this youngster yelled so terribly that he scared four other patients out of the office .」
「對不起，夫人，為您孩子拔牙我要收取20美元。」
「20美元！為什麼？不是說好只要4美元。」
「是的，但是你的孩子大喊大叫，把另外四個病人嚇跑了。」
TWO： Teacher：We all know that beat causes an object to expand an cold cauese it to contract. Now，can anyone give me a good example?
John：Well ，in the summer the days are long，and in the winter the days are short.
老師：我們都知道熱脹冷縮的道理。現在，誰給我舉個例子？
約翰：嗯，在夏天天都長，在冬天天都短。
F. 英語幽默小故事有哪些
He Won
Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.
Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?
Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.
他贏了
湯姆：約翰尼，你小弟弟好嗎？
約翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了傷。
湯姆：真糟糕，怎麼回事兒？
約翰尼：我們做游戲，看誰能把身子探出窗外最遠，他贏了。
I Have His Ear in My Pocket
Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?"
"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.
"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.
"I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."
他的耳朵在我衣兜里
伊凡鼻子流著血回到家裡。他媽媽問，「發生了什麼事？」
「一個男孩咬了我一口，」伊凡說。
「再見到他你能認出來嗎？」媽媽問。
「他走到哪裡我都能認出他，」伊凡說。「他的耳朵還在我衣兜里呢。」
A Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
好孩子
小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢。
「昨天給你的錢干什麼了？」
「我給了一個可憐的老太婆，」他回答說。 「你真是個好孩子，」媽媽驕傲地說。「再給你兩分錢。可你為什麼對那位老太太那麼感興趣呢？」
「她是個賣糖果的。」
Drunk
One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."
"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"
醉酒
一天，父親與小兒子一道回家。這個孩子正處於那種對什麼事都很感興趣的年齡，老是有提不完的問題。他向父親發問道：「爸爸，『醉』字是什麼意思？」 「唔，孩子，」父親回答說，「你瞧那兒站著兩個警察。如果我把他們看成了四個，那麼我就算醉了。」 「可是，爸爸， 」孩子說，「那兒只有一個警察呀！」
Hospitality
The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.
好客
由於客人在吃蘋果餡餅時，家裡沒有乳酪了，於是女主人向大家表示歉意。這家的小男孩悄悄地離開了屋子。過了一會兒，他拿著一片乳酪回到房間，把乳酪放在客人的盤子里。 客人微笑著把乳酪放進嘴裡說：「孩子，你的眼睛就是比你媽媽的好。你在哪裡找到的乳酪？」 「在捕鼠夾上，先生。」那小男孩說。
英語小笑話
上個星期五我穿了一件 Adidas 的衣服去打球, 一個老美看到就笑我說, "Do you
know what does it mean? It means All Day I Dream About Sex.我整天都在想著
性, 縮寫正好是 Adidas) " 我正驚訝他怎麼反應這么快, 聯想力這么豐富時,旁邊的
一個老美幫我解圍, 他說, 有一個很著名的合唱團 Korn, 他們的招牌歌之一就是
A.D.I.D.A.S, (All day I dream about sex)所以呢,這個典故可是很多老美都耳熟
能詳的喔! 下次就換你去取笑老美了.
A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second"
一男子進入教堂和上帝對話.他問:"主啊, 一百萬美元對你意味著多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又問:"且話僂蚰昴?"上帝說:"一秒鍾."最後男子請求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士嗎?"上帝回答:"過一秒鍾."
G. 我想要一些英語幽默的小故事。（簡單點）
中式英語：
昨天來了個老外，進到辦公室，前台小姐左看右看，大家都在打游戲，只有自己比較清閑，就 面帶微笑的：
前台小姐：「hello?」
老外：「hi.」
前台小姐：「you have what thing?」
老外：「can you speak English? 」
前台小姐：「if I not speak English, I am speaking what?」
老外：「can anybody else speak English? 」
前台小姐：「you yourself look. all people are playing, no people
have time, you can wait, you wait, you not wait, you go.」
老外：「good heavens. anybody here can speak English?」
前台小姐：「 shout what shout, quiet a little, you on earth have what thing.」
老外：「I want to speak to your head.」
前台小姐：「head not zai.you tomorrow come.」
H. 求英語幽默小故事，短一點的，有創意的最好。
One day Jane came up to Mike with one of her arms broken.
Mike asked her: "What's the matter with you, Jane? What has happened to you?"
"Oh... While I was walking on the street, I felt that there was sand in my shoe, so I took of my shoe and shook the sand out, supporting a telegraph pole with my hand... At this moment, a mad man came and gave me a big hit with a thick rod!" Jane answered.
"Why did he do it?"
"Because he thought that I have got a eletric shock!"
一天,簡的一邊胳膊受傷了,她找到了麥克
麥克問她,"簡你怎麼了,發生了什麼事"
"喔..當我在街上走路,我覺得有沙子掉進鞋子里,所以我用頭靠著電線桿,脫掉鞋子,抖出沙子,就在那時,一個瘋子出現了用粗棒子狠狠地打我"簡回答道
"他為什麼這么做"
"因為他以為我被電擊了"