A. 帮我看下英语幽默小故事语法有没有错（在线等，急）
A person riding a motorcycle like to wear the jacket backwards, that is to fasten the button at the back so as to block the wind. One day he was drink-driving, turned and crashed in the street.
Police arrived at the scene :
Police A: Well, this is a serious accident.
Police B: Yes, ah, he hit the ground so hard his head is twisted backwards.
Police A: ah, he is breathing, we should help him twist his head back.
Police B: Well ..... one, two, turn back hard.
Police A: Ah, he is not breathing anymore.........
B. 英语幽默小故事
1. OICU
A boy has a parrot in his family.He likes it very much and he often teaches his parrot to say the letters,"OICU".The parrot speaks very well and it speaks"OICU"every day.One day,a thief comes into a house to steal something.There is only the parrot at home.When the thief comes into the door,he hears"OICU".And he runs away.But do you know why?You see,"OICU"means,"Oh,I see you."
一个小孩家里有只鹦鹉，他非常喜欢它，经常教他的鹦鹉说字母“OICU”。鹦鹉说的很好，它每天都说“OICU”。一天，一个小偷进房子里偷东西。只有鹦鹉在家。当小偷进门的时候，他听见了“OICU”，他马上跑掉了。但是你知道为什么吗？你知道，“OICU”意思是“哦，我看见你了。”
C. 英语幽默故事带翻译
这样可以吗 ？
Teacher:Why are you late for school every morning?
Tom:Every time I come to the corner,a sign says,"School-Go slow".
老师:为什么你每天早晨都迟到?
汤姆:每当我经过学校的拐角处,就看见一个牌子上写着"学校----慢行".
A Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
好孩子
小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”
“她是个卖糖果的。”
Drunk
One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."
"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"
醉酒
一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！”
D. 英语幽默小故事，要带翻译，3-4分钟。
Who is Stupid?
A teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you''re stupid, stand up!"
Little Johnny then stood up.
The teacher said, "Do you think you''re stupid, Johnny?"
"No, ma''am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"
谁愚蠢
一个老师在对学生们讲心理学，“谁认为自己蠢就站起来？”她一开始就说。
小约翰尼站了起来。
“你认为你很蠢吗，小约翰尼？”老师问。
“不是的，老师，我只是不喜欢看你一个人站着。”
gsgongwm 2008-12-22 11:24:10
A father said to his sons: "Tomorrow your mother is going to bake a pie. Who is going to eat it?"
The oldest son replied: "Father, I'll eat it all!"
The father then said: "Tomorrow I'm going to butcher a pig. Who is going to eat it?"
The same son answered: "Father,I'll eat it all!"
The father added: "Tomorrow, we are going to plough the field. Who is going to plough?"
The oldest son answered again: "It's always me, always me. Now it's someone else's turn to volunteer!"
总是我
一位父亲对他的儿子们说：“你们的妈妈明天要烙一张馅饼，谁要吃呢？”
大儿子说：“爸爸，我要把它都吃了。”
父亲接着说：“明天我要杀一口猪，谁要吃呢？”
又是大儿子说：“爸爸，我要把它都吃了。”
父亲又说：“明天我们要耕地，谁想耕地呢？”
大儿子再次回答道：“总是我，总是我，这次还是让其他人来做吧。”
2
Dentist: I'm sorry, madam, but I'll have to charge you twenty-five dollars for pulling your son's tooth.
Mother: Twenty-five dollars! But I thought you only charged five dollars for an extraction.
Dentist: I usually do. But your son yelled so loud, he scared four other patients out of the office.
昂贵的代价
牙科医生：对不起，夫人，为给您的儿子拔牙，我得收二十五美元。
母亲：二十五美元！可是我知道您拔一颗牙只要五美元呀？
牙科医生：是的。但是您儿子这么大声地叫唤，他都吓跑四位病人了。
3
A child on Christmas time asked for some paper and crayons in order to draw a crib. Eventually the artistic masterpiece was displayed for parental approval. The manager, the shepherds, Jesus and Holy Family wore ly admired.
"But what/'s that in the corner?" asked Mother.
"Oh, that/'s their telly," replied the tot.
耶稣的电视机
圣诞节时孩子要了纸和蜡笔，想画一张耶稣诞生像。最后这件艺术品被陈列出来供父母鉴赏。
他们对耶稣诞生后睡的马槽，牧羊人，耶稣及其家庭都逐一表示赞赏。
“可是那个角落里是什么？”妈妈问。
“噢，那是他们的电视机，”孩子回答说。
4
调查员:What is your father's name？
小弟:Happy！！
调查员:What is your mother's name？
小弟:Smile！
调查员:Are you joking？
小弟:No！！That's my sister！！ I am Kidding！！
5
业余工作
When my son was a hign-school sophomore, he got a part-time job sacking groceries at a supermarket. He came home all smiles.
"How was your first day?" I asked.
"It was great, Dad," he replied. "I got to talk to some good-looking girls."
Since Stephen is not very talkative, I asked, "What did you say to them?"
"Do you prefer paper or plastic?" 。
钥匙还是接吻
A friend of mine was giving an English lesson to a class of alt who had recently come to live in the United States. After placing quite a number of everyday objects on a table, he asked various members of the class to give him the ruler, the book, the pen and so on. The class went very smoothly and the students seemed interested and serious about the work that they were engaged in until when my friend turned to an Italian student and said, "Give me the keys." The man looked surprised and somewhat at a loss. Seeing this, my friend thought that the student hadn't heard him clearly, so he repeated. "Give me the keys." The Italian shrugged his shoulders. Then, he threw his arms around the teacher's neck and kissed him on both cheeks.。
E. 英语幽默小故事(中英文对照)
I'm Trying to Stop It
"Boy, why have you got cotton-wool in your ear? Is it infected?"
"No, sir, but you said yesterday that everything you told me went in one ear and out the other , so I am trying to stop it."
“孩子，你为什么用棉花塞住耳朵？它感染了吗？”
“没有，老师。可是你昨天说你告诉我的知识都是一个耳朵里进，一个耳朵里出，所以我要把它堵在里面。”
“I'm sorry ，Madam ，but I shall have to charge you twenty dollars for pulling your boy's tooth .”
“Twenty d ollars! Why ，I understand you to say that you charged only four dollars for such work!”
“Yes ，but this youngster yelled so terribly that he scared four other patients out of the office .”
“对不起，夫人，为您孩子拔牙我要收取20美元。”
“20美元！为什么？不是说好只要4美元。”
“是的，但是你的孩子大喊大叫，把另外四个病人吓跑了。”
TWO： Teacher：We all know that beat causes an object to expand an cold cauese it to contract. Now，can anyone give me a good example?
John：Well ，in the summer the days are long，and in the winter the days are short.
老师：我们都知道热胀冷缩的道理。现在，谁给我举个例子？
约翰：嗯，在夏天天都长，在冬天天都短。
F. 英语幽默小故事有哪些
He Won
Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.
Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?
Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.
他赢了
汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？
约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。
汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？
约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。
I Have His Ear in My Pocket
Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?"
"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.
"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.
"I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."
他的耳朵在我衣兜里
伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？”
“一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。
“再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。
“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。”
A Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
好孩子
小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”
“她是个卖糖果的。”
Drunk
One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."
"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"
醉酒
一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！”
Hospitality
The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.
好客
由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时，家里没有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。过了一会儿，他拿着一片奶酪回到房间，把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。 客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪？” “在捕鼠夹上，先生。”那小男孩说。
英语小笑话
上个星期五我穿了一件 Adidas 的衣服去打球, 一个老美看到就笑我说, "Do you
know what does it mean? It means All Day I Dream About Sex.我整天都在想著
性, 缩写正好是 Adidas) " 我正惊讶他怎么反应这么快, 联想力这么丰富时,旁边的
一个老美帮我解围, 他说, 有一个很著名的合唱团 Korn, 他们的招牌歌之一就是
A.D.I.D.A.S, (All day I dream about sex)所以呢,这个典故可是很多老美都耳熟
能详的喔! 下次就换你去取笑老美了.
A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second"
一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又问:"且话偻蚰昴?"上帝说:"一秒钟."最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"上帝回答:"过一秒钟."
G. 我想要一些英语幽默的小故事。（简单点）
中式英语：
昨天来了个老外，进到办公室，前台小姐左看右看，大家都在打游戏，只有自己比较清闲，就 面带微笑的：
前台小姐：“hello?”
老外：“hi.”
前台小姐：“you have what thing?”
老外：“can you speak English? ”
前台小姐：“if I not speak English, I am speaking what?”
老外：“can anybody else speak English? ”
前台小姐：“you yourself look. all people are playing, no people
have time, you can wait, you wait, you not wait, you go.”
老外：“good heavens. anybody here can speak English?”
前台小姐：“ shout what shout, quiet a little, you on earth have what thing.”
老外：“I want to speak to your head.”
前台小姐：“head not zai.you tomorrow come.”
H. 求英语幽默小故事，短一点的，有创意的最好。
One day Jane came up to Mike with one of her arms broken.
Mike asked her: "What's the matter with you, Jane? What has happened to you?"
"Oh... While I was walking on the street, I felt that there was sand in my shoe, so I took of my shoe and shook the sand out, supporting a telegraph pole with my hand... At this moment, a mad man came and gave me a big hit with a thick rod!" Jane answered.
"Why did he do it?"
"Because he thought that I have got a eletric shock!"
一天,简的一边胳膊受伤了,她找到了麦克
麦克问她,"简你怎么了,发生了什么事"
"喔..当我在街上走路,我觉得有沙子掉进鞋子里,所以我用头靠着电线杆,脱掉鞋子,抖出沙子,就在那时,一个疯子出现了用粗棒子狠狠地打我"简回答道
"他为什么这么做"
"因为他以为我被电击了"