A. 英語口語考試，有五個情景對話，求大神給出劇本，三分鍾，英文最好，中文也行，但求幽默
（自言自語）哦，真是糟糕，居然找不到路了。。（突然看到一個正在看書的女生）你好，同學！我是外國佬，第一次來這里，我可以問你個問題嗎？
(automatic speaking) Oh, really bad, I can't find the way.. (suddenly saw a girl is read a Book) Hello, students! I am the foreigner, come here for the first time, may I ask you a question?
（抬起頭）額，什麼事？
(Tai Qitou) well, what is it?
啊哈，世界之大，能遇見你這樣的姑娘真是榮幸啊~~額，（撓頭）能告訴我，去廁所的路嗎？
Ah, the world is big, can meet you this girl is really honored ah ~ ~ well, (might) tell me, go to the toilet of the road?
哦，天哪，你是眼花了嗎？我是女生，怎麼會去過男廁所呢？我當然不知道啦
Oh, God, you are dazed? I am a girl, how could have been men's toilet? Of course I don't know
額，在中國，廁所不是在一起的嗎？。。。
Well, in China, toilet not together?...
哦，當然不是。這里可沒有你那裡那麼開放
Oh, of course not. Here without you there so open
好吧，我不是那個意思。那麼，女廁所在哪裡呢？
OK. I didn't mean that. So, where is the toilet?
什麼！？你要去女廁所！？
Sorry? Do you want to go to the toilet!?
哦，不，我很急，你能快點告訴我嗎？
Oh, no, I'm in a hurry, can you tell me?
好吧，說實話，我也不是本地人，我剛剛來這里度假，所以我無法回答你的問題，抱歉咯
Well, to tell you the truth, I have not a native, I just came here for a holiday, so I can't answer your question, I'm sorry
額……
The amount of......
B. 急！！！求英語幽默口語小對話
One day a visitor from the city came to a small rural area to drive around the country roads, see how the farms looked, and perhaps to see how farmers earned their living.The city man saw a farmer in his yard, holding a pig up in his hands, and lifting it so that the pig could eat apples from an apple tree.The city man said to the farmer, "I see that your pig likes apples, but isn't that quite a waste of time?"The farmer replied, "What's time to a pig?"
一天，有一個城市裡的遊客來到一個小鄉村，在鄉間路上開著車，想看看農庄是什麼樣子，也想看看農夫怎樣種田過日子。這位城裡人看見一位農夫在宅後的草地上，手中抱著一頭豬，並把它舉得高高的，好讓它能夠吃到樹上的蘋果。城裡人對農夫說，"我看你的豬挺喜歡吃蘋果的，但是，這不是很浪費時間嗎?"那位農夫回答說，"時間對豬有什麼意義?"
One girl went to the preacher and confessed her sin.
Girl: Father, I have sinned.
Preacher: What did you do, little girl?
Girl: Yesterday, I called a man a son of a Bitch.
Preacher: Why? What did he do to you?
Girl: He touched my breast.
Preacher: You mean like this? (The guy did it.)
Girl: (A little shy from the touch) Yes.
Preacher: That's no reason to call him that.
Girl: But he also took off my cloth.
Preacher: You mean like this? (He did it again.)
Girl: Yes, that's what he did.
Preacher: That's still no reason to call him that.
Girl: And he put his you-know-what into my you-know-what...
Preacher: (evil laugh...) You mean like this? (And you-know-what)
Girl: (After a few minutes...) Ugh... Yeah, that's what he did...
Preacher: My dear girl, that's still no reason to call him a...
Girl: But he had AIDS!!
Preacher: THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!
Where is the father?
Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.
"Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!"
"Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?"
The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures."
父親在哪兒？
兄弟倆在看一些漂亮的油畫。
「看，」哥哥說，「這些畫多漂亮呀！」
「是啊，」弟弟說道，「可是在所有這些畫中，只有媽媽和孩子。那爸爸去哪兒了呢？」
哥哥想了會兒，然後解釋道：「很明顯，他當時正在畫這些畫唄。」
The poor husband
"You can't imagine how difficult it is for me to deal with my wife," the man complained to his friend. "She asks me a question, then answers it herself, and after that she explained to me for half an hour why my answer is wrong.
可憐的丈夫
「你根本無法想像和我妻子打交道是多麼的難，」一個男人對他的朋友訴苦說，「她問我一個問題，然後自己回答了，過後又花半個小時跟我解釋為什麼我的答案是錯的。」
Does the dog know the proverb, too?
The little boy did not like the look of the barking dog.
"It's all right," said a gentleman, "don't be afraid. Don't you know the proverb: Barking dogs don't bite?"
"Ah, yes," answered the little boy. "I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?"
狗也知道這個諺語嗎？
一個小男孩非常不喜歡狗狂叫的樣子。
「沒有關系，」一位先生說，「不用害怕，你知道這條諺語嗎：『吠狗不咬人。』」
「啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道嗎？」
C. 求英語情景對話 要搞笑的 三個人對話 一個旁白 在線等
顧客：小心，你的大拇指在我湯里了
服務員：別擔心，先生，不是很燙！
Diner: Watch out! Your thumbs in my soup!
Waiter: Don't worry Sir it's not that hot!
一個服務員給顧客拿來了牛排，大拇指在牛肉上。
「你瘋了嗎？」顧客喊到，「你的手在我的牛排上！」
「什麼？」服務員說，「你想讓它再掉地上？」
A waiter brings the customer the steak he ordered with his thumb over the meat.
Are you crazy? yelled the customer with your hand on my steak?
What answers the waiter You want it to fall on the floor again?
服務員：茶或咖啡？先生。
第一個顧客：我要茶
第二個顧客：我也是茶——杯子要干凈的！
服務員：兩杯茶，哪個要干凈的杯子？
Waiter: Tea or coffee gentlemen?
I'll have tea.
2nd customer: Me too - and be sure the glass is clean!
(Waiter exits returns)
Waiter: Two teas. Which one asked for the clean glass?
創新句子：我堅持用干凈杯子喝茶。
服務員，這只蒼蠅在我湯里干什麼？
看起來象是在仰泳，
Waiter what's this fly doing in my soup?
Um looks to me to be backstroke sir...
服務員，湯里有隻蒼蠅！
別擔心，先生，麵包里的蜘蛛會幹掉它。
Waiter there's a fly in my soup!
Don't worry sir the spider on the breadroll will get 'em.
服務員，我湯里有隻蒼蠅！
不是，先生，那是蟑螂，蒼蠅在你牛排里。
Waiter there's a fly in my soup!
No sir that's a cockroach the fly is on your steak.
服務員，湯里有隻蒼蠅！
別讓別人看見，先生，要不別人都要。
Waiter there's a fly in my soup!
Keep it down sir or they'll all be wanting one.
服務員，湯里有隻蒼蠅！
我知道，先生，我們沒有另收錢。
Waiter there's a fly in my soup!
Its OK Sir there's no extra charge!
服務員，湯里有隻蒼蠅！
對不起，先生，我弄走那三個時忘了這個。
Waiter there is a fly in my soup!
Sorry sir maybe I've forgotten it when I removed the other three.
服務員，湯里有隻死蒼蠅！
是的，先生，是開水殺死了它們。
Waiter there's a dead fly in my soup!
Yes sir it's the hot water that kills them.
D. 求聰明的娃幫忙設計一段英語口語對話，語言幽默，對話簡單，3個角色，要有見面問候、自我介紹和告別的話
A：Good morning , Mr Smith .
B;Good morning ,Lihua ,how are you?
A：Fine thanks,Mr Smith ,Is this your friend？
B:oh ,this is my new friend-Elisa ,we are meet on line,
C:Nice to meet you !
A;Nice to meet you ,too.
C;We are going to play tennis ,Are you glad to come with us?
A;I'd like to ,but I have something to deal.Have a good time.
Band C :good bye ,Lihua
E. 求美劇中兩人的搞笑對話~英語口語課要用，2到3分鍾就好！
1、 我不需要那些不如我的人對我的肯定。
1、i don』t need validation from lesser minds.
2、 火箭科學家?火箭科學家?你怎麼不幹脆告訴他們我在金門大橋收過路費?我是研究弦論的理論物理學家。火箭科學家!太侮辱人了!
2、The rocket scientist? The rocket scientist? Why don』t you just tell them that I』m a toll-taker at the golden gate bridge? I』m a theoretical physicist. Rocket scientist, how humiliating!
3、 我覺得我更像一隻杜鵑，你知道的，把蛋下在普通鳥巢里的一種更高等的生物。當然，新生的杜鵑把所有的食物都吃掉了，它那些平凡的同胞只能餓死。對你來說很幸運，比喻到此就結束了。
3、I always thought I was more like a cuckoo bird, you know a superior creature whose egg is placed in the nest of ordinary birds, of course, the newly hatched cuckoo eats all the food, leaving the ordinary siblings to starve to death. Luckily for you, that』s where the metaphor ended.
4、 我為人類悲哀。
4、I weep for humanity.
5、 從我媽給我斷奶後我就沒忘掉過一件事。
5、I haven』t forgotten a single thing since the day my mother stopped breastfeeding me.
6、 我是「聰明人」?要被歸為「聰明人」我得去掉60點智商才行。
6、I』m 「smart」? I』d have to lose 60 IQ points to be classified as 「smart」.
7、 你們那艘要沉的船上又招募了什麼老鼠啊?
7、What rat have you recruited to the sinking ship?
8、 我是松香甘油樹脂(一種有機黏合劑)，你是無機合劑，所以不管你朝我的方向發射什麼語言子彈都會反射以後彈回去，回到它原有的軌道上，附著在你身上。
8、I』m polymerized tree sap, and you』re an inorganic adhesive, so whatever verbal projectile you launch in my direction is reflected off of me, returns on its original trajectory and adheres to you.
9、 我沒有無視我妹妹，我無視你們所有人。
9、I』m not ignoring my sister, I』m ignoring all of you.
10、為什麼還要浪費食物?在德克薩斯，要是奶牛不產奶了他們才不會繼續喂它，他們會把它帶出去一槍打死。
Why waste food? In Texas, when a cow goes dry, they don』t keep feeding it, they just take her out and shoot her between the eyes.
可以去看看生活大爆炸。不錯的
F. 八年級下冊英語口語對話、、、、老師叫表演、、、幽默搞笑就好謝謝
Devil seize the princess -
Beelzebub wrote: Do you not call it breaking the throat, no one will save you! -
Princess: broken throat, breaking the throat! -
No one: Princess, I'm coming to you! -
Beelzebub: speak of the devil she is! -
Cao Cao: devil, why do you call me? -
Devil: Wow, saw a ghost! -
Ghost: Fuck! Been found. -
By: Nonsense, who found me? -
Who: Pishi with me! -
Devil: oh, my god! -
God: Who told me? ! -
Who: No one told you, ah! -
No one: I can there! ! ! -
It is said that the devil got from schizophrenia.
打到手好累啊~
G. 哪個英語大神能提供一個兩人的英語口語對話或者搞笑段子 或者比較經典的英語短文 大概四分鍾 跪求
英語口語很棒
H. 急求一份幽默詼諧式的英語口語二人對話範文
經典對話一：
男：Can I buy you a drink?（我可以為你買一杯飲料嗎？）
女：Actually I』d rather have the money.（不必，我寧願留下那些錢。)
經典對話二：
男：Can I have your name?（直譯：我能有你的名字嗎？）
女：Why? Don』t you already have one? （為什麼？你不是已經有一個了嗎？）
經典對話三：
男：I』m a photographer. I』ve been looking for a face like yours.（我是攝影師。我一直在尋找一張像你這樣的臉。）
女：I』m a plastic surgeon. I』ve been looking for a face like yours.（我是整形外科醫生。我也一直在尋找一張像你這樣的臉。）
經典對話四：
男：Is this seat empty?（直譯：這個座位是空的吧？）
女：Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.（是的，如果你坐下，我的座位就是空的。）
經典對話五：
男：Haven』t I seen you some place before?（我好像以前在什麼地方見過你？）
女：Yes. That』s why I don』t go there anymore.（是的。這就是為什麼我不再去那個地方的原因。）
經典對話六：
男：Will you go out with me this Saturday?（這個星期六你想跟我出去嗎？）
女：Sorry. I』m having a headache this weekend.（抱歉。這個周末我頭疼。）
經典對話七：
男：I think I could make you very happy.（我想我能讓你非常快樂。）
女：Why? Are you leaving?（是嗎？你是說你要離開？）
I. 跪求，英語口語課要求兩人表演訪談節目，訪談名人，而且要搞笑點的，求提綱啊
對話2：Behind the Gold Medal
Reporter: Congratulate you on earning all round champions!祝賀你獲得全能項目的金牌！
Yang Wei: Thank you!謝謝！
Reporter: At the moment can you tell us your feeling?你能告訴我們你此時此刻的心情嗎？
Yang Wei: Very excited and happy.很激動，也很高興。
Reporter: What do you want to say best?你現在最想說些什麼？
Yang Wei: Thank my coach my parents my close players and all the friends who support me fully. Thank you very much!感謝我的教練、我的父母、我親密無間的隊友們以及所有權利支持我的朋友們。謝謝你們！
Reporter: Your coach is very kind to you isn't he?你的教練對你非常好，對嗎？
Yang Wei: Yes. But very stict with me. He was quite strict in every movement ring the training sometimes it seemed to be a little severe.是的。但對我非常嚴格，他對我訓練中的每一個動作要求都相當嚴格，有時似乎有點苛刻。
Reporter: I think it is very helpful to you.我想這對你很有幫助。
Yang Wei: Now I understand it completely. Except that my players are always correcting my unperfect movements. I'm very thankful to them.現在我完全理解。除此之外，我的隊友也總給我糾正不完美的動作，我非常感激他們。
Reporter: Thank you for your time. Best wishes for you!謝謝你接受我們的采訪。祝福你！
還可以改編下面的對話
對話1：That's Too Perfect
Bob: Did you watch the performance of gymnastics last night?昨天晚上的體操表演你看了嗎？
Jim: Of course. I like it best. He Kexin won uneven bars and her performance was too perfect!當然，我太喜歡了。何可欣贏得了高低杠金牌。她的表演太精彩了！
Bob: Last night her performance looked so relaxed and graceful.昨天晚上她的表演看上去是那樣的輕松自如，優美嫻熟。
Jim: She was quite an experienced gymnast! Not only the performance was perfect but also the movements were quite to the music.她是個相當有經驗的體操運動員，不但表演漂亮，動作和音樂的配合也完美無比。
Bob: Right. The movement that she balanced herself on the strength with a single arm was so wonderful that all the audience stood up.說得對。它用一隻手臂的力量保持整個身體平衡的那個動作做得如此出色，以致於所有的觀眾都站起來了。
Jim: En. It needs quite good skills and physical strength to do that.嗯。那需要相當高的技術和力量。
Bob: Yes. Her landing was also swift and sure.對，她的落地也同樣輕快嫻熟。
J. 急求一份幽默詼諧式的英語口語二人對話範文
昨天來了個老外，進到辦公室，前台小姐左看右看，大家都在打游戲，只有自己比較清閑，就面帶微笑的：「hello?」
老外：「hi.」
前台小姐：「you have what thing?」
老外：「can you speak english?」
前台小姐：「if i not speak english, i am speaking what?」
老外：「can anybody else speak english? 」
前台小姐：「you yourself look. all people are playing,no people have time, you can wait, you wait, you not wait, you go.」
老外：「good heavens. anybody here can speak english?」
前台小姐：「 shout what shout, quiet a little, you on earth have what thing.」
老外：「i want to speak to your head.」
前台小姐：「head not zai.you tomorrow come.」