I don’t think it’s possible, and it may not even be good for your health to lose all of your anger. I haven’t found a way to do so. Nor would you want to tell others you weren’t angry when you are. Yet there is something very comforting about learning to control your anger.
When I was young, I was telling an adult friend of mine about something that had happened to me — I felt I had been cheated (受骗) out of an award (奖励) that I had worked very hard to win. I was very angry; in fact, I was shouting about how bad it all was.
My friend said something to me that day that very quickly changed the way I related to my anger. I’ve spent the last twenty years trying to follow what he taught me. Actually what he said was very simple. In a quiet voice he asked me, “Richard, I understand why you are angry. But why so angry?” In my defense, I said back, “I’m so angry because it isn’t fair!” Again, he responded, “You’re right it wasn’t fair, and I understand why you’re angry? but why so angry?”
Then I suddenly understood his meaning! He was right. I had been disappointed, that was true. It was also true that I may have been cheated, and I had the “right” to be angry. However, in that moment, I also realized that my anger wasn’t going to make things better. In fact, it was only going to make things worse. My anger was hurting me — after all, I was the one who had to feel it. It was the first time I was able to see that my anger was coming from me and my own thoughts — and not from the problem itself. For once I felt that I was, to a large degree, in charge of myself.
Imagine hitting (击打) your head against a wall and wondering why your head hurt so much. Then someone came to you and said, “If you stop hitting your head, it will stop hurting.” In a way, it’s the same idea with your anger. If you’re thinking about everything that makes you angry, and don’t realize that you’re the one doing the thinking, you’re going to become even angrier. But once you see that, in fact, you’re the one who is thinking all of those angry thoughts, your anger becomes less. It’s almost as if you’re able to take a step back and separate yourself from the thing that you’re angry about. You’re still going to get angry, but when you know where your anger is coming from (your own thoughts), your anger can be controlled.
Here is one of the most important things I’ve learned in life: It’s normal to feel angry, but don’t let anger control you and destroy your life. I hope this lesson affects you in a similar way. If it does, it’s going to make your life a lot less stressful.
Words: 498
Anger Doesn’t Make Things Better
»
